trip

i finally have a chance to blog about my trip out to new jersey/new york. it was a great trip...all the important and necessary elements were there...close friends, new territory, no agenda, and the desire to relax and just have fun. which is exactly what we did. susan and i stayed with joo for most of the trip and it was awesome trotting around the garden state with them. they kept wondering why i wasn't pushing to go into the city, and it was because i didn't want to get distracted...i was really just savoring our time together and the time i had with the ahns and the kangs...it was simple and sweet.

here are the highlights:

• peter ahn welcoming me to the garden state with a large cappucino blast
• drive-thru Baskin-Robbins'
• homemade breakfasts!!! yum!
• homemade ice coffee!!! yum! yum!
• homemade mojitos!!! yum yum yum!
• hanging out with the ahns and the kangs and their adorable girls
• ella informing her mother rea that she was not grumpy and not being argumentative [she's THREE, folks]
• christina's big brown eyes, warm embrace, and sweetly broken english
• kayla happily shaking her head "no" each time i asked her to leave the shoes alone and come to me
• susan, joo and i drooling over a huge poster of a johnny depp ad for watches
• susan contemplating the purchase of furry lavender gloves
• dinner at a korean restaurant housed on a boat on the Hudson
• karaoke! susan's first!
• surprise fireworks over the Hudson as soon as susan lamented, "oh i wish there were fireworks...it'd be so pretty over the Hudson"
• susan talking like a valley girl...HILARIOUS
• talking with joo til 3am the first nite
• discovering that the cherries on top of sundaes aren't real cherries and realizing that i've never had a real cherry in my life
• "Amazing Cosmetics" powder foundation
• the best pb&j at Panera Bread
• the 3 of us getting cute shoes at Target
• Canal St adventure...memorizing streets and glancing at reflections to make sure we weren't being tailed as we followed some asian dude down 7 blocks or so to a tiny door that led to a narrow hallway that led to another tiny door that opened to reveal a room full of fake designer bags...none of which we bought
• all 3 of us getting fake Prada bags
• taking silly pictures while waiting for our dinner on Stone St.
• arriving at kirk's doorstep wearing identical orange t-shirts we all bought together and kirk's memorable reaction: "wow. triple the fun."
• susan's hair fiasco...bumping into a votive that spilled wax on her and thinking her hair is on fire...rushing to the bathroom to get the wax out after we calm down and establish her hair is NOT on fire...kirk informing me his shampoo is "black people's shampoo" after i request to use some on susan's hair
• getting drunk off of key lime martinis at APT lounge in the meat-packing district
• seeing pastor peter in action at metro...the church he envisioned and laid the groundwork for in california and planted in n.j.
• emotional visit to Ground Zero
• discovery of "tit goddess" in SoHo
• the ahn girls greeting us in the hallway of their building, barefoot and excited
• talking with jenny ahn til 2am

i was sorry to leave, and so thankful for the opportunity to have gone out there.

a surprise =)

i'm here with joo and susan in new jersey. =) susan, peter, and i had planned to surprise joo with my visit last month, and she was surprised all right! at first, i couldn't tell if she was glad to see me or not. when she saw me standing in peter's hallway, she had a weird look on her face and just stood there looking at me peculiarly. but i moved in to hug her and that seemed to snap her out of it. =) the unpleasant journey here [screaming, kicking kids on a 7am flight is NOT pleasant] was all worth it. it's wonderful to be here with her...i've missed her a lot. and i'm excited to visit with the kangs and the ahns and other metro ppl i've met through the newsong leadership conferences. this is all thanks to susan who was kind enough to let me use her miles to fly out here! tomorrow is going to a girl day...me, susan and joo just hangin' out! i can't wait! =D

peace & quiet in the office

the office is unusually quiet for a tuesday. there's a kids' show with acrobats in the courtyard downstairs [apparently a weekly tuesday thing for the remainder of the summer] and a bunch of my colleagues are there with their kids. this is one of the rare moments where i'm actually very glad to work here...my colleagues are all generally really good ppl...very family-oriented. it's just the workload and red tape that gets to me. they'll be back soon, and i'm sure i'll have some loose ends to tie up before i leave for the day, but right now...it's strangely peaceful here...and i'm enjoying it. i think i'll do my quiet time. =)

sheep

450 Sheep Jump to Their Deaths in Turkey

ISTANBUL, Turkey (AP) - First one sheep jumped to its death. Then stunned Turkish shepherds, who had left the herd to graze while they had breakfast, watched as nearly 1,500 others followed, each leaping off the same cliff, Turkish media reported.

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the Bible compares us to sheep. hmmmmm...

honest with God

• I am scared about my abilities to bring Him glory in this world.
• I am uncertain of my future in His design.
• I am frustrated in my habitual sin.
• I am floored by the awesome grace and power of my creator.

my spinning head

so i had a little bit of a spiritual panic attack earlier today. it just hit me that i've never NOT worked. and although i don't plan on quitting right away [i want to honor my committment to the projects i currently have] the idea that by the end of the year i won't be going into an office and bringing home a paycheck twice a month was alarming. intense fear and doubt started to cloud my mind...what if i'm making the wrong decision? what if we aren't able to pay off our debt and stay on top of all our bills? what if eman grows to resent me? what if i don't get any projects to work on? what if i just get lazy and depressed? what if my "vision" isn't really a vision at all but just wishful thinking? what if God doesn't want to use me in this way? what am i getting myself into? am i sure? how do i know i won't regret it? do i realize what i'm giving up?

i tried unsuccessfully to articulate my feelings and thoughts to a friend of mine...it just came out as disjointed babble. but it's quiet now, and as i pose all those questions and dump all those fears onto my heavenly father, i sense a gentle nudge in my heart: it's normal to feel fear. it takes some discipline to submit those fears and continue forward anyway. and yes, i could be wrong. but Lord, help me not to look so much to guarantees and security. help me to just submit and continue on and enjoy the ride.