buried

there is a dream buried within me, and i want to share it with the world. but it's completely unrealistic, and completely larger-than-life, and completely overwhelming. it's a vision for my life, a vision for a very long journey, and it's intimidating, daunting, and very unlike me. it has little to do with having children, at least, in the traditional sense, and even less to do with the american lifestyle. it has everything to do with my heart.

i keep telling myself i need to get my head out of the clouds...stop dreaming so much...be more practical. but i think to be any more practical than i already am would be to live a lie.

yes, i think of my responsibilities as a wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister, sister-in-law, and aunt. yes, the responsibilities that come with being a wife weigh on me the most. no, i have no intention of abandoning them. rather, i'd like to incorporate them. i just don't know how yet.

of course, i understand that there's a chance my dream will never come to pass. that my life will take a different turn than what i envision. but i think, for me, it's more important that i have a vision.

now then, i wonder...what's the next step?

lucy

my friend is writing a book, and there's a character in the book based on me. the character's name is lucy, and basically, she IS me. i read the draft of the chapter where her character is introduced, and i have to say, if i were your typical christian woman reading that chapter, she would be my LEAST favorite character. lucy has issues with authority. she's also a bit on the skeptical/cynical side, and she's hella sarcastic when it comes to christian culture. she's kind of a...how do i put this delicately...bitch. i couldn't help but wonder what that says about me in real life. hopefully i'm not overtly bitchy all the time, but that WOULD explain a lot. [hahaha...joo, if you're reading this, i'm thinking of how we first met. =)] anyway...it was quite an amusing read. luckily, the author is a skillful writer, so the way he incorporates lucy into the story takes some of her edge off. =)

random conversation

"what do you want out of life?"

"what?"

"what do you really want?"

pause.

"to live a meaningful, fulfilling life and to make a positive contribution to those around me."

"mm-hmmm. what about happiness? don't you want to be happy?"

"nah. happiness is over-rated. and not a sustainable emotion."

"you don't even want to try for it?

"nah. it won't happen. life isn't fair, so happiness isn't realistic."

pause.

"you're one of those 'glass is half-empty' people aren't you?"

try as i might

honestly, i've tried, but i just cannot seem to get INTO facebook. i mean, i understand its' usefulness and its' fun/social factor, but dangit, it's stressful. i still don't really get twitter either, even though i have an account. i'm so bad with this stuff. i love emails and letters. is that so wrong?

korean email

heh heh heh...my parents recently got internet and my mom is learning to email. she mixes english and korean and she's gettin' the hang of it quite well, i think! but i just have to share the following..it's SO stinkin' cute! i hope the korean part comes out. my translations are in [red]:


"Hi  hannah,    wooo...it's friday.    cloud day.    we might have rain tonight and tomorrow.    tomorrow will be cool day, like 69 degrees (high)

couple days ago, i got e-mail from 큰  사 위 [eman].  yes, was happy and thanks him   그 런 데  내 가   korean 으로  reply  했 지 [but i replied back to him just in korean].

Anyway,  how are you doing?  feel better?   감 기  좀  어 때 요? [have you kicked your cold?]  everybody doing ok?

ya,  아 빠  [your dad] doing fine and still working hard everyday.   He loves going out early in the saterday morning for his breakfest at the Mc'donald

so, 내 일  아 침 에 는  아 빠 랑  ''DATING''  할 꺼 야. [tomorrow your dad and i are going out on a date]  that's why i said wooo...it's friday."   

=D

significance of my 35th

late last month i turned 35. i was in vegas with my folks when it happened, and if it wasn't for the multiple bday greetings on facebook and the numerous emails, calls and texts, it would have been just another day. i was surprised at how wonderful it felt to be remembered on my bday, and it made me thankful for all the people in my life who've blessed me with their kindness, love and generosity. i felt warm all over that day...and not just coz of the vegas heat! upon returning from vegas, my mom made a great korean dinner and nick came over with the BEST french macarons outside of Paris! everything was simple, meaningful, and intimate...a great bday.

as happy as i was however, i felt there was something missing. something out of place. there was one thing i really wanted, and since it wasn't meant to be, i just sort of tried to enjoy my 35th and not think of that one thing. i didn't want that one thing to negate all the other wonderful things that were occurring on that day. see, that one "thing" was my sister. as much as i loved being with my parents, i felt a huge hole in my heart bcoz my whole family wasn't with me...my sister and broinlaw were still in nc and couldn't make it out. i feel so stupid as i write this, coz i realize a 30-something woman normally would not make a big deal of this. but it was different for me...i just really really wished my sister was there to help celebrate. i don't know if it's coz we live so far apart, or if its coz she wasn't able to be with me for my other milestone bday [my 30th] or if it's just coz i'm weird and altogether way too emotional/sappy. whatever the reason, for me, my 35th was incomplete without her.

fast-forward one week. it's labor day wkend. and i'm stuck at home finalizing a ministry project and in desperate need of a capblast. my sister michelle said she had sent my gift and that i would need to pick it up from susan. susan agrees to meet me and eman at my favorite baskin-robbins so that she can deliver my gift and so that i can get my capblast. so we drive over, i get my beloved blast, and guess what my gift turned out to be? MY SISTER!!! =D i was ecstatic! i immediately grabbed her and started tearing. hands down, that was the BEST surprise/gift i've EVER received. i remember thinking, "wow, my sister's so pretty and smart and conniving...she's AWESOME!!" =D

the rest of the wkend flew by fast. really really fast. TOO fast. but i dare say it was the best wkend of my life to date. i got to spend it all with my sister! we got to experience so much together...we went to the Hollywood Bowl [poor thing, she was so jet-lagged and tired that nite!] and had awesome Portos chocolate raspberry cake in honor of her 29th bday [her bday is just a few days after mine] while enjoying the music, then the next day we got a massage and enjoyed the spa at Burke Williams, then had a late lunch at Equator, then got dolled up for a surprise bday dinner at Celestinos [again, a huge THANKS to everyone who came!] the day after that we went to church together, had lunch at Firefly after service with Susan [who was michelle's co-conspirator in planning the whole surprise visit], went shopping, and then ended our wkend together with the most amazing meal at Maison Akira to celebrate michelle's bday. we would have done more [eaten more] if we had more time together, but i guess that just means we have more to look forward to on her next visit. =) i know it's silly, but after we dropped her off at the airport the following morning, i cried the entire way home. i must be losing my edge. at 35, i'm getting soft. =\

i used to always think that i would not make it to see my 35th bday. i don't know why. but i really thought i'd die before then. [i can share this now that it's obviously been disproven.] so maybe the significance of my 35 has something to do with the fact that i made it. but more than that, for me, the significance is that i not only made it, but that i got to share it with my sister. i wish i could adequately describe why, but it's hard. i wish i could express sisterhood. i don't know what it's like to have a brother but i will forever be grateful for my sister. my life would be so empty without her. i mean, my life would be so empty without a lot of ppl, but especially my sister. when we lose our parents, it will be my sister that remains of my first family. when i think back to my childhood, the memories that stand out the most are the ones with my sister. when i think about ppl i cannot live without, my sister immediately pops to my mind. i've prayed a lot of prayers so far in my life, but the most fervent ones all have to do with my sister..."please God, keep her safe, keep her healthy, just keep her." the significance of a sister is profound. the significance of my sister is everlasting. i don't believe that i deserve her, but i am thankful for her, and will happily take her as the gift that she is. and she was, for my 35th, the most significant gift.

  

<-- my sister Michelle...isn't she so pretty? =)

a new group

yesterday i went to a new womens' bible study group. well, new to me. it's been a while since i've been to a small group. i realize i've really missed it. i was hesitant in going...i really only knew one other person there...but by the end of the night i was reminded of why groups such as these are important. and i was pleasantly surprised at how much i liked it...the whole experience. here's why:

• the group was small [8 of us total that nite]
• the women were authentic
• the women were genuinely interested in what Scripture had to say/reveal
• it was a Bible study, and not a book study
• we used dictionaries and concordances! [i was geeking out a bit]
• the women were all open and shared from their hearts
• the environment was comfortable and relaxed

i did find it interesting that i was the only woman there of minority descent...i couldn't help but notice. i guess i'm so accustomed to being surrounded by other asians all the time that being in the company of caucasian women sort of stumped me. but they were all wonderful, and i didn't feel out of place a bit. i'm so happy i went. seriously. =) i hope and pray that God will use this group to bless and challenge all of us.

i recognize her need for validation. for acceptance. for love. can't we all relate to that, at some level? i think it's a very normal, human thing. God knows i need those things too.

i think i'm becoming my motherinlaw.

=(

dancing queen

last nite i danced alone until 1am.

i'm sick, mind you. i mean...i've been fighting off a cold all wkend. and so i stayed home all wkend. and didn't come into contact with the outside world all friggin wkend. and i got news that a good family friend suddenly passed. first there's shock, then there's sadness, then there's hurt for the immediate family who's affected by this the most. finally, there's frustration that i'm here and they're over there and my arms can't reach across the continent to hug them.

so last nite when i couldn't sleep because of all the frustrations and all the coughing, i decided to let off some steam...and danced. i danced all over the dining room and living room. i danced in front of the t.v. and behind the couch. i danced around my otherwise abandoned elliptical machine. i danced til i sweat and had to put my hair up in a ponytail. i danced to Pink and I danced to Beyonce. i danced til 1am and it felt DAMN GOOD.

italy

italy was so much more than i had imagined. i still can't believe we were actually there. i keep looking at our photos to convince myself that it wasn't a dream.

that's the thing about traveling...it always feels surreal. there's a part of me that really does feel like i was meant to roam the world...be a nomad...a roving gypsy. so far, i've discovered a whole new side to myself. i so enjoy being immersed in other cultures, ever the observing tourist. who knew i would find other places and people so interesting? that it would spark a newfound fascination with world history? that i would have so much fun getting lost and being misunderstood? when eman first proposed international travel, i was deeply hesitant as well as excited. hesitant because i would be in unfamiliar territory, and excited coz it just sounded exotic! but my fears have thus proven to be unwarranted, and even in the midst of chaos in italy's bustling termini train station [notorious for its' thieves and pickpocketers] my fears waned and were replaced with wonder. i feel the most alive when i'm traveling abroad. the mystery, the discovery and the surprise of unity i feel with other human beings whose lives are so different from my own. all of it...the whole journey...just brings me to life. maybe it's just the adventure of it...the newness...i don't know. but i feel awake in a way i don't feel when i'm going about my daily business in the states. i hope my inner nomad is never sated.

on to italy.

we visited rome, sorrento, and capri. rome is amazing in the fullest sense of the word for the way in which it's been able to seamlessly juxtapose the ancient with the contemporary. sorrento and capri are awe-inspiring for the simple ways in which it hugs the sea and carves out breathtaking coastlines. they are all memorable for their inhabitants...their warm, generous and friendly italians! honestly, this trip was what it was because of the people we met while we were there. we didn't feel so much like tourists as we did guests of the country! if you've never visited italy...you really must! i dare say we enjoyed it more than paris! here's a link to our photos on flickr.

feeding

i love this:

http://www.neueministry.com/2009/05/how-to-eat-like-jesus/

it can be such a hard thing to do yet it's so important, and i dare say, it might be more important than going to church every sunday.

"Another Journey"

a friend shared about the documentary Wings of Defeat, which is about the story behind the old Japanese Kamikaze pilots of WWII. i saw the preview, then she alerted me to this follow-up companion film to the movie called Another Journey. it follows USS Drexler surviors Fred Mitchell and Gene Brick to Japan where they meet former Kamikaze for the first time. this youtube scene below is from their meeting with former Kamikaze Ueshima:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpUD7ZT1eTs

TRANSFORMERS RULE

AWESOME NEW TRANSFORMERS TRAILER!!! =D =D =D

http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1809943432/video/13222062/20090430/151/13222062-1000-wmv-s.84667560-,13222062-100-wmv-s.84667552-,13222062-100-flash-s.84667561-,13222062-300-flash-s.84667562-,13222062-300-wmv-s.84667555-,13222062-700-flash-s.84667563-,13222062-1000-flash-s.84667564-,13222062-700-wmv-s.84667558-,13222069-6800-qtv-s.84667566-,13222069-10300-qtv-s.84667569-,13222069-2700-qtv-s.84667565

Stand By Me =)

holy cow what a GREAT video!!! brought a HUGE smile to my face! =D thanks amanda!!!

http://gizmodo.com/5231112/best-video-ive-seen-today-will-make-you-smile

emotions of the week

one of the technicians for the CT scan asked if i handle stress well.

"i guess so."

pause.

"well, i dunno. life is life. some days fine, other days not."

"do you typically have more fine days or not so fine days?"

"i dunno." shrug.

"you seem a bit removed."

"are you a therapist?" [joke]

"no, just observant. maybe you should try to keep a mental note of all that you feel this week...whether or not you have a lot of ups and downs, and how your body is reacting when you feel or think more negative. coz someone your age shouldn't be down here."

"uh...okay."

so, so far this week i've felt:

listless
bored
uninspired
amused
useless
guilty
shocked
sad
scared
buzzed
calm
happy
frantic
absent
wistful
helpful
content
desperate
hurt
confused
awkward
angry
tired
encouraged
disappointed
lonely
unsure
optimistic
excited
peaceful
grouchy
slow
embarrassed
witless
mellow
surprised
grieved
helpless
disturbed

boy, that's a lot of emotions in one week. i wonder what's average for most people.

predilection for prediction

sometimes i think when i get old i'm going to have dementia. i wonder if there's a way to predict?

proof, purpose + contribution

God doesn't need to prove His love to me, but sometimes i wonder if i need to prove my love to Him.

i wonder, if that's the reason why i have this emotional need to feel useful...feel like i'm contributing to the greater good...because by doing that i feel like i'm a contributing member of His family. i wonder too, if that's unhealthy, and if it is, just how unhealthy. i know i can run myself ragged with ministry and i know i get extremely uncomfortable with the idea of resting. i always feel like i have to be doing something...and my primary motivation is doing something for other people...i don't like just doing stuff for money...it feels...i dunno...meaningless to me somehow. i'd much rather do stuff where it will directly benefit other people. it makes me feel good. but that is also a selfish motivation...wanting to do things to help people coz it makes me feel good. but is that so bad?

i'm constantly asking God what my purpose is. but i ask that with the realization that that in of itself is a luxury. many people in the world don't have that luxury of questioning God's purpose for them because they're too busy trying to support their families...feed their children...care for their elderly parents...in homes that would be considered unlivable by american standards. i wonder if this questioning of purpose is an american luxury. i think so.

i'm beginning to get the sense that i'm putting too much emphasis on the whole purpose thing. perhaps my purpose is just to love God with all my mind, heart, and soul and love others. maybe the notion of God having a specific, "special" purpose for me is just vanity and narcissism, fueled by the pervasive christian culture of equating godliness with material and social "blessings." maybe the best way to "prove" my love for God [not that He asks me to prove anything to Him] is to simply try to live what Jesus tried to teach. i mean, that in of itself is a gargantuan task, one that will likely exhaust me my entire life.

why am i so hung up on my particular purpose? my particular contribution? is it because i need to feel "special"? is it not enough that God already says i'm special, because He loves me? do i need other people to think i'm special to feel validated? special is misleading anyway. and subjective.

so where does this lead? perhaps once i let this go i will experience another level of freedom in Christ. perhaps once i let this go i will feel more emboldened to contribute in new ways, to pursue and persist, and my questions of purpose will no longer exist.

i think i'm nesting. i mean, i'm so unmotivated. to do anything. i don't wanna design...i just want the design ideas in my head to materialize. today i found myself staring at some cardstock, willing it to cooperate with the scissors and form itself into the arresting vision of perfected ideals in my mind.

what the hell.

more food for thought

The Jesus-movement always tends to thrive in marginal social contexts. Conversely, it tends to grow stagnate once it gets embraced by those within the dominant culture.

As the history of the Church repeatedly shows, as soon as Christianity comes into power and respectability, it starts to decay. The church invariably stops contrasting with the dominant culture — manifesting a radically different, Jesus-looking, way of life. Rather, as it gains acceptance, respectability and power within the dominant culture, the church invariably starts to blend in with the culture. Indeed, it is eventually reduced to the role of providing religious legitimization of the culture. For example, rather than showing a different way of life by opposing all violence, the Church that has been acclimated to the dominant culture has more often than not served to assure people that their nation’s use of violence is divinely sanctioned.

White American Christianity has tended to exemplify this trend throughout its history. It’s why, in the minds of many, faith in Christ has been, and continues to be, inseparable from faith in the goodness of our nation, the righteousness of our military, the sanctity of our political freedom and the wisdom of capitalism. It’s also why so much of conservative American Christianity in particular is focused on preserving certain religious symbols in the culture and gaining as much political power within the culture as possible.

i realize that, despite feelings to the contrary, ultimately, i believe that God loves me, and because He loves me, He will lead.

creative no more

creativity said bye just now
and left
it didn't look back
not even once
there was no remorse
it said it needed to move on
no hard feelings
had a good run with me
will never forget me
but when it's time it's time
and when it's over it's over
don't take it personally it said
you'll be fine in a couple of months
you'll find something else
to replace me with
i just stood quiet and stared
the uncomfortable silence
was deafening
and all too thick to bear
so without another word
it turned
and walked out the door

so what do i do now?

In My Arms

there are times when something i see, read, or hear reminds me of God's love, and i am instantly overwhelmed. this song, though it may have been written from a mother's perspective, reminds me of my Father's love...and the truth of it overwhelms me instantly, every time.

In my arms
- Plumb

Your baby blues
So full of wonder
Your Curly Que’s
Your contagious smile
And as I watch
You start to grow up
All I can do is hold you tight
Knowing

Clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Story books
Are full of fairy-tales
Of kings and queens
And the bluest skies
My heart is torn just in knowing
You’ll someday see
The truth for lies

Clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Castles they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
But you are never all alone
Cause I will always
Always love you

Clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

In my arms
In my arms

buy less crap

http://www.buylesscrap.com/

food for thought

a friend sent me this...something provacative to chew on...

America has never been, and will never be, a “Christian” nation in any significant sense. Among other things, America, like every other fallen, demonically-oppressed nation (see Lk. 4:5-7; 2 Cor. 4:4; I Jn. 5:19; Rev. 13), is incapable of loving its enemies, doing good to those who mistreat it or blessing those who persecute it (Lk. 6:27-35). By applying the term “Christian” to America, we’ve massively watered down its meaning — which undoubedly helps explain why the vast majority of American Christians assume being “Christian” is perfectly compatible with hating and killing your national enemies if and when your earthly Commander and Chief asks you to. The sooner the label “Christian” gets divorced form this country, the better. It provides hope that someday the word “Christian” might actually mean “Christ-like” once again.

centrifuge

i just had a stimulating conversation about culture and race with an awesome lady from my church. it was specifically about caucasians and asians in our church and some of the stereotypes on both ends. it's really gotten my head spinning...all these questions and memories and theories are swimming at lightning speed in my head...it's like my mind is a centrifuge...and i love it and am confused at the same time [what else is new]. ANYWAY...i must try to slow down the centrifugation and process all this.

must slow self down and process...

must slow self down and process...

must slow self down and process...

P.I.L.T.H. = Sabrandicarter

P.I.L.T.H. stands for People I Love To Hate.

there are certain ppl i love to hate. well, okay fine, i don't really hate them, i just hate them, you know?

among them are:
sabrina soto
candace nelson
monica pederson
carter oosterhouse

why? because they're beautiful, talented, likable, and have a crew of ppl to help them transform regrettable home interiors into fabulous home interiors.

i constantly fantasize about being one of them. well...except for the being on t.v. part. but i'd love to have my own lil' design empire where i come up with all these great design concepts and i have a crew of ppl to make them all come alive! and how cool would it be if i was as sun-kissed as sabrina, as tall as candace, as charming as monica, and as manly as carter?! i could walk around with a cool urban toolbelt/apron...draw up a fabulous layout for a room, complete with fabric swatches and photos of accessories...boss ppl around with a winning smile...and build my own furniture with recycled wood and metal parts! =D i'd be...Sabrandicarter!

THE question

"what 'greatest good' can i do?" meaning, what can i do in and with my life that will bring the greatest/most good to ppl?

that question haunts me. and i think it'll be the question that hovers over me the rest of my life.

partly coz i don't know the answer. and partly coz i think i will never know the answer. could pursuit be part of the answer? could conviction? passion? dignity? sacrifice? love?

there's really no way to gage, you know? i can always ALWAYS be doing more/serving more. and with more love, certainly. but there's another part of me that wonders why i care. why do i even want to concern myself with doing the greatest good? is it really coz i want to love God more and glorify Him, or is it coz i want to glorify myself?

my friend thinks there's no such thing as true/pure altruism. i'm inclined to agree. i think. i know many ppl who have and continue to do things for others without expecting ANYthing back. i strive to be like them. but my friend brought up the point that they do those things because they can...coz it brings them pleasure...makes them feel good to serve others. there's nothing wrong with that of course, but if they do it coz it feels good then is it true altruism that moves them?

i dunno. it's almost 2am and i should be working instead of blogging. funny how i've been blogging more...right after i posted the entry about NOT blogging anymore!

anyway...getting back to THE question. i dunno why it's so important to me to try to figure out the answer to that. seriously. why do i care? do most ppl in the world concern themselves with that question? probably not right? who has the time? don't we all have enuff to do? aren't i the consummate busybee? even when i don't have a project deadline, i give myself deadlines for chores! what the hell is wrong with me? who DOES that?!? and now i'm gonna be tossing and turning all night thinking about THE question. good grief, is this all because i haven't had sugar in a whole week? OMG. if that's true that's so sad. =(

lesson learned

my ass hurts. we went horseback riding a few days ago and my ass is still friggin' hurting. ugh. i look happy though, don't i? well, the next time i go horseback riding i'm gonna wear one of those padded underwear thingys.

how do you know when

someone's lying to you? i'm on the verge of being dragged into some family drama and i don't know who's lying, though i have a suspicion that neither are telling the whole truth. now my aunt just called me in tears and i feel so bad for her. =(

just shoot me

ppl have been making me really agitated. i was processing the events of these past few days last nite before bed, and i realized that these particular ppl all have certain traits in common: they're cynical, lazy, and absolutely driven by their own self-preservation.

their drama wears me out. i mean, REALLY JUST WEARS ME OUT. i am SO stinkin' TIRED of their shit.

their outlooks on life, on relationships [family, friends, significant others], and on God are so negative and self-centered that i can actually see them make choices in life that will inevitably cause situations to become self-fulfilling prophesies! so instead of making healthier decisions and avoiding certain things, they actually cause them to happen. it's the strangest thing to behold. i don't know if it's a lack of self-awareness, or just emotional immaturity...maybe both...but somehow EVERY bad/hurtful thing in their life...EVERY poor choice ever made...IS SOMEONE ELSE'S FAULT. and i mean, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT someone else's fault. even the things they start to take responsibility for, they can't, because if they take responsibility for it, that means they'll have to take responsibility for other things in life too, and the list will grow bigger, and what they'll have to face will become overwhelming, and at the end of the day...they just don't want to go there.

so they call other ppl and give them their sob stories and play up the pity card...the victim card...the ignorance card.

and i'm so sick of that shit.

at this point, i think i'm an enabler. there has to be a reason why they keep coming to me with this crap.

i'm sitting there thinking: why are you whining about this? this is of YOUR OWN DOING!!! this is your own crap!!! YOU crapped this shit!

but noooooo..."you don't understand...this isn't my fault...i only said/did that coz of so and so."

excuse me? you don't have ANY culpability in this situation and ALL the other situations like it, AT ALL???

"look, it's not my fault i said! you don't know what it was like for me to be with so and so and have to deal with such and such!"

blank stare.

"are you listening to me! don't you get it? IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!"

silence. if i fart really loud will you go away?

crossroads

you're at a crossroads and you don't know what to do
leaving seems best to you.
the finger you're pointing keeps pointing back at you
you've lost your capacity for truth.
you speak words of agony and defeat
your only option...retreat
but i say

no
don't go
don't give up so soon
don't give in so fast
few things in this world last
you've got to lay rest the past
move on forward
pray and fast
you've got to stop looking back.

what's behind you won't catch up
if you face it strong
confront it head on
and declare you're anew
so it can no longer control you
so you can dismiss it for good.

i don't want to see you forfeit your future
because of what you refuse to endure
now, in this time, in this place
i know it can feel like just an empty space
so lonesome, bleak and gray
but please trust me, it won't always be this way
just walk through the crud
hang on to God's Love
and in the end
you will have won.

phase out?

i'm constantly surprised at how quickly time goes by. i can't believe my last post was in nov. i didn't even wish anyone a merry christmas or happy new year! my bad... =(

but i'm contemplating more or less abandoning this blog. i don't seem to be very good at updating it, and since my life isn't all that interesting, i feel like i can just stick with my relatively new design blog. so if you're interested, feel free to follow me there! i'm really going to try to update that one more consistently and keep this one strictly personal [read: sporadic updates]. =)