Thursday, November 20, 2008
carlsbad wkend
a couple of weekends ago we took some much-needed time off to escape to carlsbad, a little beach community on the way to san diego. it was our first time in the area, and we were pleasantly surpised. not only was our hotel cleaner, roomier, and more resort-like than we anticipated [it was a sheraton!], but we had a near perfect getaway in that we got to watch the sun set over the ocean, chatted with friendly locals, visited a garden, shopped at the nearby outlets, and ate amazingly good sushi. we definitely plan on going back!
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
state ballot measure results
in case you're wondering...here are the results:
PASSED
1A - Safe, Reliable High-Speed Train Bond Act
02 - Standards for Confining Farm Animals
03 - Children's Hospital Bond Act. Grant Program.
08 - Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry
09 - Criminal Justice System. Victims' Rights. Parole.
11 - Redistricting
12 - Veterans' Bond
DID NOT PASS
04 - Parent Notif. Before Terminating Minor's Pregnancy
05 - Nonviolent Drug Offense. Sentencing, Parole, Rehab
06 - Police, Law Enforcement Funding. Criminal Laws.
07 - Renewable Energy Generation
10 - Altern. Fuel Vehicles and Renewable Energy Bonds
for the actual percentages, click on this entry title.
PASSED
1A - Safe, Reliable High-Speed Train Bond Act
02 - Standards for Confining Farm Animals
03 - Children's Hospital Bond Act. Grant Program.
08 - Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry
09 - Criminal Justice System. Victims' Rights. Parole.
11 - Redistricting
12 - Veterans' Bond
DID NOT PASS
04 - Parent Notif. Before Terminating Minor's Pregnancy
05 - Nonviolent Drug Offense. Sentencing, Parole, Rehab
06 - Police, Law Enforcement Funding. Criminal Laws.
07 - Renewable Energy Generation
10 - Altern. Fuel Vehicles and Renewable Energy Bonds
for the actual percentages, click on this entry title.
aside from the election...i've been thinking about a dear friend of mine who's recently stepped into a relationship. i've been thinking of her because she is happy, and i have for so long prayed and willed for her happiness. i saw some photos of her at a wedding recently, and it brought tears to my eyes because happiness is written all over her face...it's in the sparkle of her eyes, the brilliance of her smiles, and the glow of her countenance, and though i have always thought her to be beautiful, her beauty seems to overwhelm now. =)
2008
i woke up today groggy as usual, but with also a faint question mark in my mind...as though last nite was a dream and today was election day...but the great thing about waking up to NPR on my clock radio is that i'm always quickly brought back to reality.
obama is president.
wow.
the year 2008 will forever be engraved in our minds and history books.
now begins the truly hard work of leading this country.
i don't say this lightly when i say my prayers go out to our new president-elect.
obama is president.
wow.
the year 2008 will forever be engraved in our minds and history books.
now begins the truly hard work of leading this country.
i don't say this lightly when i say my prayers go out to our new president-elect.
Monday, November 03, 2008
mid-life rebellion
i am about to explode.
i should have rebelled in my early teen years. my mistake is that i was a very obedient child, teenager, and young adult. my family is used to me more or less doing what i am told, jumping through their hoops, and working hard to please them.
so now that i'm expressing my dissident opinions and not putting up with their various self-righteous and self-martyring stances, i'm more or less the devil child. my mom just told me [with my dad yelling at me in the background] that she didn't think we communicated well anymore, which i agreed with, so i guess we won't talk very much from here on out...better to "keep the peace" that way. and of course since my relatives think i've abandoned my faith by considering obama i guess that relationship will be relegated to the superficial as well.
isn't this just wonderful? [i'm being sarcastic here.]
this is what i get for being a family-pleaser my whole life. but i gotta say, i feel strangely empowered. i used to think my world would just collapse if i didn't have my family's approval. though i'm hurt [and i know that they are just as hurt, and probably even more confused] i am not devastated. i understand that this is what i've been trying to avoid my whole life...their displeasure of me, their judgment of me, their condemnation of me. but i can't live for those things anymore. i can't live as though their opinions are worth more than my own. i can't live for their peace of mind and betray myself anymore.
i doubt they will ever understand. i guess at the root of all of my blind obedience was the fear that if i "strayed" from the path they set before me that i would lose their love. though i hope that never happens, i know i'll go on with my life if it actually does. but i guess i should start preparing my heart now...just in case it does.
i should have rebelled in my early teen years. my mistake is that i was a very obedient child, teenager, and young adult. my family is used to me more or less doing what i am told, jumping through their hoops, and working hard to please them.
so now that i'm expressing my dissident opinions and not putting up with their various self-righteous and self-martyring stances, i'm more or less the devil child. my mom just told me [with my dad yelling at me in the background] that she didn't think we communicated well anymore, which i agreed with, so i guess we won't talk very much from here on out...better to "keep the peace" that way. and of course since my relatives think i've abandoned my faith by considering obama i guess that relationship will be relegated to the superficial as well.
isn't this just wonderful? [i'm being sarcastic here.]
this is what i get for being a family-pleaser my whole life. but i gotta say, i feel strangely empowered. i used to think my world would just collapse if i didn't have my family's approval. though i'm hurt [and i know that they are just as hurt, and probably even more confused] i am not devastated. i understand that this is what i've been trying to avoid my whole life...their displeasure of me, their judgment of me, their condemnation of me. but i can't live for those things anymore. i can't live as though their opinions are worth more than my own. i can't live for their peace of mind and betray myself anymore.
i doubt they will ever understand. i guess at the root of all of my blind obedience was the fear that if i "strayed" from the path they set before me that i would lose their love. though i hope that never happens, i know i'll go on with my life if it actually does. but i guess i should start preparing my heart now...just in case it does.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
eureka!
there's a term for my infection!
ELECTIONITIS!
and apparently i'm not the only one who has it!
=)
ELECTIONITIS!
and apparently i'm not the only one who has it!
=)
magic beetle
MAGIC BEETLE
one beetle is loose.
he sort of "left the camp."
but he might've gotten himself cooked,
in the shade of our upright lamp.
we've had some beetle issues lately. i dunno how they get into our 3rd floor apartment. i guess they fly? =\ anyway...eman collected two of them in an old jar [he refuses to kill them...says i'm sadistic for wanting to. whatever.] so yesterday we had two beetles in the jar. today, there's only one beetle in the jar. and i remember seeing the shadow of another beetle in the light of our tall lampshade last night, thinking it was a third beetle. but now i think it might be the beetle that broke free from the jar. i think he was struggling to get out of the bowl-shaped shade...i kept hearing a "sizzle" last nite...you know, like he was being cooked by the strength of the bulb. ewwww.
one beetle is loose.
he sort of "left the camp."
but he might've gotten himself cooked,
in the shade of our upright lamp.
we've had some beetle issues lately. i dunno how they get into our 3rd floor apartment. i guess they fly? =\ anyway...eman collected two of them in an old jar [he refuses to kill them...says i'm sadistic for wanting to. whatever.] so yesterday we had two beetles in the jar. today, there's only one beetle in the jar. and i remember seeing the shadow of another beetle in the light of our tall lampshade last night, thinking it was a third beetle. but now i think it might be the beetle that broke free from the jar. i think he was struggling to get out of the bowl-shaped shade...i kept hearing a "sizzle" last nite...you know, like he was being cooked by the strength of the bulb. ewwww.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
keep our commitments
Even in these difficult economic times, we want to make sure our next president, no matter who that is, keeps his commitment to fighting global poverty.
You can watch a video of a speech by Bono [yes, that Bono] - and then sign a petition to Senators McCain and Obama asking them to keep their promises to the world's poor - here:
http://www.one.org/keepourcommitments/?rc=bonotaf
You can watch a video of a speech by Bono [yes, that Bono] - and then sign a petition to Senators McCain and Obama asking them to keep their promises to the world's poor - here:
http://www.one.org/keepourcommitments/?rc=bonotaf
Saturday, October 25, 2008
40 is the new 30
i went to a friend's 40th bday party last nite...she sure as hell doesn't look 40...as a matter of fact, she looks better than most 30 year olds i know. we had a great time of girl bonding [no boys were allowed]...we ate, watched the Sex and the City movie, and ate some more. actually, i think we pretty much ate all night! no wonder i'm up so late feeling grossly full and bored. what is there to do at 2am if one doesn't feel like working? oh i know...one takes random pictures of oneself with one's macbook camera...hahahaha... =D
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
shallow breaths: the saga
i'm starting to get really annoyed at my relatives. okay, so that song/poem "shallow breaths" emerged in the aftermath of my...how shall i say...political "coming out." i mentioned to my relative that i was leaning towards obama, and the response i got was, "but hannah! you're christian! oh my GOD."
seriously now...it was all i could do to not give a verbal smack-down. i didn't respond. i couldn't...i was biting my tongue. but i did stare. HARD. if you don't know how to tell when i'm angry...you'll know by how i look at you. i normally look as though i want to take you down and start pummeling your face with my fists. [but don't worry, i just look as though i want to do that...i've yet to actually do it.] anyway...i know i looked angry. and i hoped that was enough to stop the conversation there. but it went on. i don't want to relay it all here, but suffice it to say that i did more tongue-biting and malicious glaring. it's not that i can't hear others' views...it's that i can't hear them if the tone behind it is condescending. and that particular conversation was accusatory and insulting to boot.
and now, after all that...they decide it prudent to send me two...TWO...different emails about the dangers of obama becoming president. to tell the truth, i'm still undecided. i actually registered as an independent. but what really annoys me is that they think i'm more or less abandoning my faith because i said i'm leaning towards obama. abandoning my faith!! what the hell!! so only republicans are christians? and republicans have the monopoly on faith and morals and judgement? so democrats and those who vote for a democrat are faithless simpletons? what the hell?!?
this is the kind of stuff that drives me crazy. this is the kind of stuff that makes me want to do exactly what they don't want me to do.
i will decide on my candidate because that is my privilege, and because i can. i do not believe that we are getting 100% truth from either candidates...it is politics after all. i also do not believe in demonizing one candidate while elevating the other. i do not believe that obama is satan's choice and mccain is God's. but here is what i do believe: i believe that if God is sovereign and in control, He will be sovereign and in control no matter who becomes president. i believe that all believers are called to be agents of God's grace no matter which party dominates our government. i believe that we still need to pray for our leaders...no matter the leader.
seriously now...it was all i could do to not give a verbal smack-down. i didn't respond. i couldn't...i was biting my tongue. but i did stare. HARD. if you don't know how to tell when i'm angry...you'll know by how i look at you. i normally look as though i want to take you down and start pummeling your face with my fists. [but don't worry, i just look as though i want to do that...i've yet to actually do it.] anyway...i know i looked angry. and i hoped that was enough to stop the conversation there. but it went on. i don't want to relay it all here, but suffice it to say that i did more tongue-biting and malicious glaring. it's not that i can't hear others' views...it's that i can't hear them if the tone behind it is condescending. and that particular conversation was accusatory and insulting to boot.
and now, after all that...they decide it prudent to send me two...TWO...different emails about the dangers of obama becoming president. to tell the truth, i'm still undecided. i actually registered as an independent. but what really annoys me is that they think i'm more or less abandoning my faith because i said i'm leaning towards obama. abandoning my faith!! what the hell!! so only republicans are christians? and republicans have the monopoly on faith and morals and judgement? so democrats and those who vote for a democrat are faithless simpletons? what the hell?!?
this is the kind of stuff that drives me crazy. this is the kind of stuff that makes me want to do exactly what they don't want me to do.
i will decide on my candidate because that is my privilege, and because i can. i do not believe that we are getting 100% truth from either candidates...it is politics after all. i also do not believe in demonizing one candidate while elevating the other. i do not believe that obama is satan's choice and mccain is God's. but here is what i do believe: i believe that if God is sovereign and in control, He will be sovereign and in control no matter who becomes president. i believe that all believers are called to be agents of God's grace no matter which party dominates our government. i believe that we still need to pray for our leaders...no matter the leader.
speak up
we had dinner with some friends recently, and i was talking to one of them about human trafficking. i was happy that she was aware of the issue...i'm realizing not many ppl are...and the more i talked about it, the faster i spoke and the louder i got. a couple of ppl turned to look at me, and i immediately felt embarrassed. i wish i could talk about it in a normal tone of voice, with a stoic expression, and with pragmatism. but i can't. it's too hard. i've known about human trafficking for three years now, and i am still unnaturally pissed off about it. i am pissed off that it exists. pissed off that it is growing. pissed off that it is happening on a global scale. pissed off that in these three years i have done little to nothing to participate in the extermination of it. extermination. reminds me of cockroaches. cockroaches need to be exterminated. so do the seedy pimps and brothelkeepers who relish their sport of exploitation. extermination. can trafficking really be exterminated?
a few weeks ago a dear friend of ours left pasadena to start a non-profit dealing with human trafficking in thailand. it's called Speak Up [for the Poor]. i cannot say enough about our friend, who we've come to love and admire in these past two years. as i read his blog, i cannot help but be moved. he asks questions with cutting clarity and honesty. and he describes his experiences with equally cutting sadness and anger. he is one of those ppl working towards the extermination of trafficking. he is one of those ppl i will call "hero" because though he struggles with fear and doubt as he goes about this work in the frightening world of sexual slavery, he still chooses to move forward. he still chooses to move towards that which must be exterminated in order for dignity and freedom to be restored. dignity and freedom. we take them for granted here, but how distant and luxurious they are to the millions enslaved.
a few weeks ago a dear friend of ours left pasadena to start a non-profit dealing with human trafficking in thailand. it's called Speak Up [for the Poor]. i cannot say enough about our friend, who we've come to love and admire in these past two years. as i read his blog, i cannot help but be moved. he asks questions with cutting clarity and honesty. and he describes his experiences with equally cutting sadness and anger. he is one of those ppl working towards the extermination of trafficking. he is one of those ppl i will call "hero" because though he struggles with fear and doubt as he goes about this work in the frightening world of sexual slavery, he still chooses to move forward. he still chooses to move towards that which must be exterminated in order for dignity and freedom to be restored. dignity and freedom. we take them for granted here, but how distant and luxurious they are to the millions enslaved.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
"shallow breaths"
i wrote this last week after an uncomfortable conversation with a relative...
shallow breaths
you were in for a shock today
i finally came out and told you
what i've been wanting to say
it's not that i don't love you
or respect you any less
it's just that i've been hiding
breathing shallow breaths
i know i projected what you wanted to see
i know it was cowardly of me
i know you went along
because it made you feel more comfortable
but we both knew the day would come
when i'd render myself unable
to prolong the act
so i took what i could back
and left you standing in my kitchen
but see it's not that i don't love you
or respect you any less
it's just that i've been hiding
breathing shallow breaths
this whole time i've been withholding
unbeknownst to you
a million little embers of me
sparks of truth
this whole time i've been smoldering
unbeknownst to you
a million little embers of me
sparks of truth
even still it's not that i don't love you
or respect you any less
it's just that i've been hiding
breathing shallow breaths
shallow breaths
you were in for a shock today
i finally came out and told you
what i've been wanting to say
it's not that i don't love you
or respect you any less
it's just that i've been hiding
breathing shallow breaths
i know i projected what you wanted to see
i know it was cowardly of me
i know you went along
because it made you feel more comfortable
but we both knew the day would come
when i'd render myself unable
to prolong the act
so i took what i could back
and left you standing in my kitchen
but see it's not that i don't love you
or respect you any less
it's just that i've been hiding
breathing shallow breaths
this whole time i've been withholding
unbeknownst to you
a million little embers of me
sparks of truth
this whole time i've been smoldering
unbeknownst to you
a million little embers of me
sparks of truth
even still it's not that i don't love you
or respect you any less
it's just that i've been hiding
breathing shallow breaths
Friday, October 03, 2008
a beautiful day
today's a beautiful day. have you been outside yet? it's not just sunny, it's clear. and it's not hot or cold...just warm with a slight breeze. it is a BEAUTIFUL day. =)
Saturday, September 20, 2008
becoming anti?
i think i'm becoming anti-megachurch. it's strange coz my best memories and longest period of growth was in a megachurch. and i was raised in a megachurch. and the church we attend now is a megachurch. so why am i anti-megachurch? what's my problem?
i think i just don't believe in it. i mean, i don't discount their reach or influence...not at all. but it seems to me that megachurches make it very easy to attend church and get a spiritual high and feel really good about ourselves but not be involved with what God's doing in the world. it's easy for ppl to hide and get lost in megachurches. i would know. and it's easy to be inspired but not step up. again, i would know. it's easy to think that the church exists for us, instead of us, the body of Christ, existing for them or "the other."
but i think...i don't want to live that way. i think...i want to live fully involved. i think...i want to be a part of what God's doing in the world and be with ppl who want the same. i think...i want to really show Jesus to ppl. i think...it might be more effective to do that in smaller, tighter, more committed groups. i think...it's not enough for me to learn about extreme poverty, the AIDS crisis, human trafficking, and oppressive military regimes, etc. i think...i have to put what i know to use somehow. i think...i want to show that God is not distant and he is not callous and he is not ignorant. i think...i want to show that God cares very very deeply. i think...in order to do that, i have to get off my entitled ass.
but i think i don't know where to start.
i think i just don't believe in it. i mean, i don't discount their reach or influence...not at all. but it seems to me that megachurches make it very easy to attend church and get a spiritual high and feel really good about ourselves but not be involved with what God's doing in the world. it's easy for ppl to hide and get lost in megachurches. i would know. and it's easy to be inspired but not step up. again, i would know. it's easy to think that the church exists for us, instead of us, the body of Christ, existing for them or "the other."
but i think...i don't want to live that way. i think...i want to live fully involved. i think...i want to be a part of what God's doing in the world and be with ppl who want the same. i think...i want to really show Jesus to ppl. i think...it might be more effective to do that in smaller, tighter, more committed groups. i think...it's not enough for me to learn about extreme poverty, the AIDS crisis, human trafficking, and oppressive military regimes, etc. i think...i have to put what i know to use somehow. i think...i want to show that God is not distant and he is not callous and he is not ignorant. i think...i want to show that God cares very very deeply. i think...in order to do that, i have to get off my entitled ass.
but i think i don't know where to start.
guns and cable
we ordered cable for the first time. neither eman or i grew up with cable, so this'll be the first time we have it at home. i hope i don't become a tv junkie. =\ anyway...the cable guy came over and he was looking for the cable hookup inside our apt. he said it's usually located inside closets in older apts [closets? for real?] so i took him to our hallway closet and proceeded to pull everything out so that he could go in to locate the hookup thingy. well i pulled out a large basket filled with miscellaneous things, and right on top was my lara croft gun. now, trust me when i say that the gun looks real. and since i had forgotten where i placed it, i happily exclaimed, "oh, i've been looking for that!" and glanced up with a smile at the cable guy. i was confused to see the strange look on his face...eyes open wide and mouth slightly agape. he was staring at the gun. it took me a second, but i realized he was probably startled and maybe even creeped out. i swallowed a chuckle and immediately tried to reassure him, "oh no...don't worry...that's not a real gun. it doesn't take real bullets" and smiled at him. he sorta looked at me with that weird, scared expression and nervously muttered, "uh-huh."
i know this is messed up, but i like scaring people sometimes. it's fun. =)
i know this is messed up, but i like scaring people sometimes. it's fun. =)
Monday, September 08, 2008
nuthin' better
about a month ago a new friend of ours in our small group accepted Christ. now i'm no softie, but i cried when he told us. and now, just about an hour ago, another new friend in our small group called to tell me she accepted Christ as well. i feel like i'm going to burst. =) is there anything better? =)
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
paris
the thought just occured to me that i may be going through some kind of withdrawal. looking at my paris photos just now lightened my mood but made me wonder if i'm feeling restless from being home [as in, the u.s.]. i didn't expect to love paris so much, or fall in love with traveling abroad. it's scary and exhilarating at the same time. scary coz i'm just a scaredycat by nature, but exhilarating coz it's a new adventure. the best part of paris for me was just walking around. i noticed that the french eat fresh, organic food, but they don't call it organic, coz it's just how they eat. they don't do the processed, overly preserved stuff. they eat like you're supposed to...with fresh ingredients. and they don't over-eat. their portions are much smaller, but surprisingly filling. who knew that you don't have to the have huge portions in order to be full? their bread is to die for. i mean, not stale AT ALL. i had a plain croissant every day. EVERY STINKIN' DAY, and ohmyfriggin'goodness they were PERFECT!!! PERFECT croissants!!! who the heck makes perfect croissants?!? the FRENCH do!!! i miss their croissants. i miss their cafe creme. i miss their madame croquette. i miss their food in general. i miss their architecture...their fabulous, centuries old, historic, ornate, architecture. i miss their numerous sidewalk cafes. i miss their bonjours and bonswars and bonnuits. i miss their tres biens and sil vous plaits and c'est bons. i miss their musees and jardins and rues. i miss paris. j'et'taime paris.
another dream
i told myself i would not post about my dreams anymore coz i think i'm starting to weird ppl out, but i think this dream explains a lot of why i've been feeling this way.
earlier this week i dreamt someone painted a picture of my life...and it was really pretty...kinda like a chagall/sargeant painting [not that those two artists have ever painted together] but it had qualities of both...the colors were more chagall, but the style was more sargeant. anyway. in the painting my arms are outstretched, and i think i'm smiling but i can't really tell. i'm floating on the right side of the painting, and everyone i've ever loved, past and present, friends and family...are all crowded on the left side, floating together in this massive swarm. it's obvious that they are all smiling...a very happy group. then suddenly, one by one, they start to disappear. i'm confused, and keep my arms outstetched, expecting them to reappear again. but they don't. and then i start yelling out to them..."don't fade! don't fade! don't go!" but they do. eventually, the crowd becomes noticeably smaller, and i'm frustrated and perplexed and sad. i try to float to the other side to reach them, but i can't, so i just keep yelling. after a little while, i get tired, and my voice gets hoarse, and in defeat i lower one arm and use the other to reluctantly wave goodbye. and then, slowly, i disappear. the last few ppl remaining in the painting are family members. imagine then, a camera panning out from the painting to show that the painting is hanging in a busy art gallery. there are several ppl hovering around the painting, drinks in hand, discussing the scene they just witnessed. they are very chic, and very removed. the camera then rotates to focus on the cameraman. and the cameraman is me.
weird, huh?
i know i dreamt other dreams that nite, but this is the one i remember the most vividly. the painting seemed so real...the colors were sooooo stinkin' vibrant! it was a gorgeous painting, it really was. lots of crimson red.
earlier this week i dreamt someone painted a picture of my life...and it was really pretty...kinda like a chagall/sargeant painting [not that those two artists have ever painted together] but it had qualities of both...the colors were more chagall, but the style was more sargeant. anyway. in the painting my arms are outstretched, and i think i'm smiling but i can't really tell. i'm floating on the right side of the painting, and everyone i've ever loved, past and present, friends and family...are all crowded on the left side, floating together in this massive swarm. it's obvious that they are all smiling...a very happy group. then suddenly, one by one, they start to disappear. i'm confused, and keep my arms outstetched, expecting them to reappear again. but they don't. and then i start yelling out to them..."don't fade! don't fade! don't go!" but they do. eventually, the crowd becomes noticeably smaller, and i'm frustrated and perplexed and sad. i try to float to the other side to reach them, but i can't, so i just keep yelling. after a little while, i get tired, and my voice gets hoarse, and in defeat i lower one arm and use the other to reluctantly wave goodbye. and then, slowly, i disappear. the last few ppl remaining in the painting are family members. imagine then, a camera panning out from the painting to show that the painting is hanging in a busy art gallery. there are several ppl hovering around the painting, drinks in hand, discussing the scene they just witnessed. they are very chic, and very removed. the camera then rotates to focus on the cameraman. and the cameraman is me.
weird, huh?
i know i dreamt other dreams that nite, but this is the one i remember the most vividly. the painting seemed so real...the colors were sooooo stinkin' vibrant! it was a gorgeous painting, it really was. lots of crimson red.
birthdays
for some reason i've been feeling very...um...how shall i say this...bipolar? lately. like, i'll get really angry all of a sudden at something really small...and in my mind that little small thing grows into something much bigger and i imagine the bigger thing as though it's reality even though it isn't, and then i get even angrier. that's all during the day. then at nite when i'm in bed i think about all the imagined things i got angry about and i feel really stupid and get really sad about my stupidity.
i think it has something to do with my upcoming birthday. i'm really not looking forward to it. i kinda wish i could not have one this year. i'm not sure why...it's not even a "milestone" bday, but something about turning 34 is stressing me out.
i wanna move to paris. take on a new identity. well, first i'd have to learn french. =\ but i wanna move to paris and then tour the rest of europe and take photos and make photo books and eat lots of really good food and not gain weight by walking everywhere. that's what i wanna do. and i wanna get paid for my photos, so that i'll have money to eat the really good food all over europe.
i think i feel...deficient. and not even my capblasts are helping. i hate birthdays.
i think it has something to do with my upcoming birthday. i'm really not looking forward to it. i kinda wish i could not have one this year. i'm not sure why...it's not even a "milestone" bday, but something about turning 34 is stressing me out.
i wanna move to paris. take on a new identity. well, first i'd have to learn french. =\ but i wanna move to paris and then tour the rest of europe and take photos and make photo books and eat lots of really good food and not gain weight by walking everywhere. that's what i wanna do. and i wanna get paid for my photos, so that i'll have money to eat the really good food all over europe.
i think i feel...deficient. and not even my capblasts are helping. i hate birthdays.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
5.4
we just had a 5.4 earthquake! it was a nice jolty one too. too bad i didn't realize it was an earthquake til way later. i was at the post office and thought one of the construction workers on the block had accidentally torn down a wall or something. it wasn't until i got into my car and started driving and saw people running out of buildings that i realized it was quake.
you gotta love living in california. =)
you gotta love living in california. =)
Friday, June 20, 2008
a new feeling
i recently met a man who has worked and is working with the korean christian community. he spoke about the different chains of korean christians...the bondage we are in because we speak forgiveness but don't give it, because we hold grudges which grow into bitterness in our hearts, because we refuse to release the pains of our cultural history and seek our own brand of justice in the form of power, prestige and material wealth. [the preferred way of telling the world to "shove it."]
whether i like or not, that's the environment i grew up in, the atmosphere in which i was taught to believe in Jesus. but thankfully, it was outside of that environment that i learned to love Him.
i guess i thought i was only one [or, one of few] who felt that the bondage of korean christians were all too pervasive. so it should have been a relief to me to find that there are others who feel that way, but instead of relief or anger,i felt immense sadness. it's a strange, new sensation for me. for the first time, i didn't want to berate the korean christian community for their worship of image over God, for their use of material blessings and physically answered prayers as proof of their reason to follow Him, for their prioritization of honor and respect over humility. coz for the first time, in my mind, i saw the country of my parents in chains, and i hurt for them.
what good could we accomplish, if we weren't so ethnocentric? if we learned to communicate honestly, if there wasn't such a chasm between the first and second generation, if we served without expectations of being blessed back, if we worked through conflict instead of walking away and starting our own churches at an embarrassing rate? if we let go of our right to be right? if being right wasn't our main agenda, if being proven right wasn't our main agenda? if being admired and placed in a position of honor wasn't the reason we gave? if we were responsible for the development of our own character, rather than looking to expose the flaws in others'? as a nation of believers, [the most christians in a single country i once heard] what good could we accomplish for His glory?
whether i like or not, that's the environment i grew up in, the atmosphere in which i was taught to believe in Jesus. but thankfully, it was outside of that environment that i learned to love Him.
i guess i thought i was only one [or, one of few] who felt that the bondage of korean christians were all too pervasive. so it should have been a relief to me to find that there are others who feel that way, but instead of relief or anger,i felt immense sadness. it's a strange, new sensation for me. for the first time, i didn't want to berate the korean christian community for their worship of image over God, for their use of material blessings and physically answered prayers as proof of their reason to follow Him, for their prioritization of honor and respect over humility. coz for the first time, in my mind, i saw the country of my parents in chains, and i hurt for them.
what good could we accomplish, if we weren't so ethnocentric? if we learned to communicate honestly, if there wasn't such a chasm between the first and second generation, if we served without expectations of being blessed back, if we worked through conflict instead of walking away and starting our own churches at an embarrassing rate? if we let go of our right to be right? if being right wasn't our main agenda, if being proven right wasn't our main agenda? if being admired and placed in a position of honor wasn't the reason we gave? if we were responsible for the development of our own character, rather than looking to expose the flaws in others'? as a nation of believers, [the most christians in a single country i once heard] what good could we accomplish for His glory?
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
peonies
trader joes has peonies this week.
they're my favorite...
perfect in their lush form and vibrant color.
how can any other flower compare?
they're my favorite...
perfect in their lush form and vibrant color.
how can any other flower compare?
Sunday, April 27, 2008
what a week
this week has been one hell of an emotional roller coaster...where shall i begin?
two of our friends discovered last week that they have ovarian tumors and things moved really quickly...one of them, who's part of our small group...went into surgery this week and got 3 large tumors and a fibroid removed. she's now recovering at home [tumors proved to be benign] and the other friend, has a tumor the size of a baby...she actually looks like she's 3 mo. pregnant..and doctors think it may be cancerous. she hasn't gone in to get it removed yet, but hopefully it'll happen this week. we've been praying and praying for both of them and are hopeful that her tumor will prove to be benign as well.
there's some drama w/a few ppl in our small group. though we feel for them, a part of us are just emotionally exhausted by it all. we realize we don't handle drama or high-maintenance ppl very well. it tires us out and then we get snappy with each other. it's also hard to really communicate with ppl who see everything as black/white, either/or. so we're going to start establishing some boundaries. we care for them very much, so we hope they're mature enough to not take it personally, but they're starting to get a little manipulative with their games.
my aunt and uncle, who were visiting here this past week, discovered that he has scabies.
my cousin-in-law joan [who's married to my cousin steve] is pregnant with their first child. she was so sweet when she told me. "i didn't know how to tell you hannah coz you got married before us and i didn't want you to feel hurt or anything that we got pregnant first." i was like, "are you kidding me? who cares about that! you're having a baby!!" i guess it's a korean thing...in korean culture, the person who gets married first is supposed to have a baby first, especially if she is older. but c'mon. that's a ridiculous "rule." and talk about pressure! i told her i didn't want to live my life according to such pressures of korean society. especially since we don't live in it. she seemed genuinely relieved, poor girl.
and finally, my sister got into a major car accident and totaled her car. i just about flipped out when she called me. but thank God, she's alright and the other guy involved is alright [his car looked damaged beyond repair too she said]. the ironic thing is she just paid off the car last month. but she's been wanting a small suv so she'll probably end up buying a new cr-v. i'm trying to persuade her to go the certified pre-owned route, but we'll see. [i can't help it. it's the older sibling in me...i want her to save money and put more towards assets and not things that will depreciate in value...but it's her choice. as long as she likes it and it's safe.]
so that's been my week. this past ONE week. i've been in-and-out of hospitals, down to o.c. and back, and on the phone for what seems like hours a day. i think i'm going to turn off my phone and get a cappucino blast now.
oh...BUT there have been some highlights...susan's bday, namely. we had a great time going out for what ended up to be just drinks in hollywood, and then to arcadia for some bowling. overall i sucked ass, but i was able to get a few strikes in. =) next time i'll have to bowl when i'm not so full. thank God for maternity shirts! they double as shirts for food bellies as well as pregnant bellies! =D
two of our friends discovered last week that they have ovarian tumors and things moved really quickly...one of them, who's part of our small group...went into surgery this week and got 3 large tumors and a fibroid removed. she's now recovering at home [tumors proved to be benign] and the other friend, has a tumor the size of a baby...she actually looks like she's 3 mo. pregnant..and doctors think it may be cancerous. she hasn't gone in to get it removed yet, but hopefully it'll happen this week. we've been praying and praying for both of them and are hopeful that her tumor will prove to be benign as well.
there's some drama w/a few ppl in our small group. though we feel for them, a part of us are just emotionally exhausted by it all. we realize we don't handle drama or high-maintenance ppl very well. it tires us out and then we get snappy with each other. it's also hard to really communicate with ppl who see everything as black/white, either/or. so we're going to start establishing some boundaries. we care for them very much, so we hope they're mature enough to not take it personally, but they're starting to get a little manipulative with their games.
my aunt and uncle, who were visiting here this past week, discovered that he has scabies.
my cousin-in-law joan [who's married to my cousin steve] is pregnant with their first child. she was so sweet when she told me. "i didn't know how to tell you hannah coz you got married before us and i didn't want you to feel hurt or anything that we got pregnant first." i was like, "are you kidding me? who cares about that! you're having a baby!!" i guess it's a korean thing...in korean culture, the person who gets married first is supposed to have a baby first, especially if she is older. but c'mon. that's a ridiculous "rule." and talk about pressure! i told her i didn't want to live my life according to such pressures of korean society. especially since we don't live in it. she seemed genuinely relieved, poor girl.
and finally, my sister got into a major car accident and totaled her car. i just about flipped out when she called me. but thank God, she's alright and the other guy involved is alright [his car looked damaged beyond repair too she said]. the ironic thing is she just paid off the car last month. but she's been wanting a small suv so she'll probably end up buying a new cr-v. i'm trying to persuade her to go the certified pre-owned route, but we'll see. [i can't help it. it's the older sibling in me...i want her to save money and put more towards assets and not things that will depreciate in value...but it's her choice. as long as she likes it and it's safe.]
so that's been my week. this past ONE week. i've been in-and-out of hospitals, down to o.c. and back, and on the phone for what seems like hours a day. i think i'm going to turn off my phone and get a cappucino blast now.
oh...BUT there have been some highlights...susan's bday, namely. we had a great time going out for what ended up to be just drinks in hollywood, and then to arcadia for some bowling. overall i sucked ass, but i was able to get a few strikes in. =) next time i'll have to bowl when i'm not so full. thank God for maternity shirts! they double as shirts for food bellies as well as pregnant bellies! =D
Saturday, April 26, 2008
BEARD PAPAS!!!
IS COMING TO LAKE AVENUE!!! RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY APT!!! BEARD PAPAS IS COMING TO LAKE AVENUE!!! RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY APT!!! BEARD PAPAS IS COMING TO LAKE AVENUE!!! RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY APT!!! BEARD PAPAS IS COMING TO LAKE AVENUE!!! RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY APT!!! BEARD PAPAS IS COMING TO LAKE AVENUE!!! RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY APT!!! BEARD PAPAS IS COMING TO LAKE AVENUE!!! RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY APT!!! BEARD PAPAS IS COMING TO LAKE AVENUE!!! RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY APT!!! BEARD PAPAS IS COMING TO LAKE AVENUE!!! RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY APT!!! BEARD PAPAS IS COMING TO LAKE AVENUE!!! RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY APT!!! BEARD PAPAS IS COMING TO LAKE AVENUE!!! RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY APT!!! BEARD PAPAS IS COMING TO LAKE AVENUE!!! RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY APT!!! BEARD PAPAS IS COMING TO LAKE AVENUE!!! RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY APT!!!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
exit design?
you know when you have so much to do...so many different little things to do...and then have pressure to complete everything quickly...and you just feel like, omg i have no time but when you do have time you're so overwhelmed that you just stare at your computer blankly? i'm there.
and then on top of that i've been looking at other designers' portfolios online and i'm really wondering what the hell i'm doing calling myself a graphic designer. i'm more of a poser, i think. and it's frustrating, coz i have an idea of how creative i need to be, but looking at other ppls work, i realize how creative i'm not, and then i can't work. i can't do anything at all.
i wonder if other designers go through this. do they look at their peers' work and think "why can't i do that?!?" or, does this mean that i'm in the wrong field altogether? should i get out of graphic design? if i did...what would i do? what other career would i embark on? omg...i don't know!!! what am i gonna do if i don't do anything? "hi i'm hannah and i don't do anything." ohmygawed! is this the beginning of a midlife crisis?
and then on top of that i've been looking at other designers' portfolios online and i'm really wondering what the hell i'm doing calling myself a graphic designer. i'm more of a poser, i think. and it's frustrating, coz i have an idea of how creative i need to be, but looking at other ppls work, i realize how creative i'm not, and then i can't work. i can't do anything at all.
i wonder if other designers go through this. do they look at their peers' work and think "why can't i do that?!?" or, does this mean that i'm in the wrong field altogether? should i get out of graphic design? if i did...what would i do? what other career would i embark on? omg...i don't know!!! what am i gonna do if i don't do anything? "hi i'm hannah and i don't do anything." ohmygawed! is this the beginning of a midlife crisis?
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
thoughts on criticism
it's occurred to me that women can be overly critical of men. i know some women who criticize their men so much that it's taking a toll on their relationships. i'm not saying that men are perfect and are always unfairly criticized, but these guys honestly try their best, and they just can't please their women. what's funny is that they love their women just as they are, yet the women keep telling them that if they truly loved them, they'd change. i wonder why the guys don't turn that around on their ladies...tell them, "well if you really loved me, you'd accept the man that i am and am trying to be, and stop carelessly criticizing me." i wonder how their women would react to that. i mean, i understand why these ladies criticize, but honestly...some of it is just...childish. and unfair to their men.
in thinking about this, i had to apologize to eman. when i think back to all those times when i would criticize him incessantly [especially during our engagement and first year of marriage] it makes me sad. i realize few things empower a man more or makes him feel more like...well...a man...than when his woman tells him how much she appreciates all that he does, is, and is striving to be. words have power.
in thinking about this, i had to apologize to eman. when i think back to all those times when i would criticize him incessantly [especially during our engagement and first year of marriage] it makes me sad. i realize few things empower a man more or makes him feel more like...well...a man...than when his woman tells him how much she appreciates all that he does, is, and is striving to be. words have power.
Saturday, March 01, 2008
stubborn
it's official. my mother is stubborn and i am her daughter.
she refuses to go see the doctor. but she's not coughing up blood anymore, so that's a good sign. if she's not better by monday i'm gonna start railing on her.
she refuses to go see the doctor. but she's not coughing up blood anymore, so that's a good sign. if she's not better by monday i'm gonna start railing on her.
my vantage point
dude, what a nite. here i thought eman and i were gonna have a low-key evening at the movies with a couple of friends from small group. Vantage Point started promptly at 9:05. at about 9:40, a few minutes into the movie, right after a key character in the movie gets unexpectedly shot and killed, i notice shaking. "ugh," i think. "i hate when kids kick the seatbacks." but the shaking movement is slightly odd...not jerky like it normally is when seatbacks are being kicked.
then i hear the whimpering. "oh my god, what's happening? what's happening?" for a split second i think it's from the movie. then i look over to my right and i notice the guy sitting next to me is shaking uncontrollably and his girlfriend is starting to freak out. i sit straight up.
shit. this guy is seizing.
i look up at the girl and say, "he's having a seizure. he'll be alright." and then turn to my left and say to eman, "honey, he's having a seizure." by then though, eman's already out of his seat. a gentleman in the row in front of us calls 911, our friend troy runs out to get security and have them turn the lights on, and ppl start gawking at us instead of at the screen. a second later, two security ppl run in and start to clear ppl out of the theater. the guy is still seizing, and he's started to vomit a bit. a woman comes up to us and says she's a nurse. she holds the girlfriend to try to calm her as now she is visibly shaking too. eman's keeping his eye on the guy seizing, unbuttoning the poor guy's shirt to help him breathe better, and i pump the girlfriend for info..."what's your name? [carol] what's his name? [paul] has he ever had a seizure before? is this his first one? do you know if there's a history of this in his family? is he or has he been taking any kind of medication?" i'm trying to get her to focus so that she'll calm down a bit. if the nurse wasn't there, i think i would've taken carol to a corner somewhere. in the meantime, paul's seizure has tapered down, and he's started to come to. eman and i both have our hands on him...i don't know why...to soothe him maybe? but now eman is trying to get him to focus by asking him questions too. "do you know where you are? can you tell me your name? you've just had a seizure. just relax, don't try to get up. relax and try to breathe. the paramedics are on their way." paul is obviously exhausted and not quite coherent, though he appears aware of his surroundings. he starts to drift off to sleep, but eman won't let him. "paul, paul, how old are you? how are you feeling now? do you know you just had a seizure? do you know what a seizure is? have you had one before?" poor paul looks at him confused, but answers. the paramedics arrive, and the nurse leaves. carol's no longer whimpering, though i can tell she's still terrified by the tears in her eyes.
eman and i let the medics take over. eman watches them as only a fellow medical practitioner can, answering their questions and watching their monitors. i watch them with intense interest and curiosity...i've never seen medics this close up in action before. they seemed efficient and thorough, and talked medical jargon w/eman, which slightly annoyed me, coz i hadn't the slightest clue what they were discussing and found myself wishing i knew more about this stuff. i told them he had been seizing for about 2 minutes, and that was it.
at the end, paul got poked at three times with a needle for an IV line, and got taken away on a stretcher. but by then he looked totally fine. and definitely not like he wanted to go to the hospital. poor guy. he probably just wanted to go home and sleep. the security and management got eman and my digits and address [we're hoping for a free movie] and said we could go watch the later showing of Vantage Point.
so we did. with two of our small group friends who had been patiently waiting for us outside in the hallway. i think i was expecting Vantage Point to be more of a mellow thriller, but it turned out to be a dizzying, highly intense and fascinating action movie. by the time we left the theater, i was all abuzz with adrenaline.
i can't sleep now.
then i hear the whimpering. "oh my god, what's happening? what's happening?" for a split second i think it's from the movie. then i look over to my right and i notice the guy sitting next to me is shaking uncontrollably and his girlfriend is starting to freak out. i sit straight up.
shit. this guy is seizing.
i look up at the girl and say, "he's having a seizure. he'll be alright." and then turn to my left and say to eman, "honey, he's having a seizure." by then though, eman's already out of his seat. a gentleman in the row in front of us calls 911, our friend troy runs out to get security and have them turn the lights on, and ppl start gawking at us instead of at the screen. a second later, two security ppl run in and start to clear ppl out of the theater. the guy is still seizing, and he's started to vomit a bit. a woman comes up to us and says she's a nurse. she holds the girlfriend to try to calm her as now she is visibly shaking too. eman's keeping his eye on the guy seizing, unbuttoning the poor guy's shirt to help him breathe better, and i pump the girlfriend for info..."what's your name? [carol] what's his name? [paul] has he ever had a seizure before? is this his first one? do you know if there's a history of this in his family? is he or has he been taking any kind of medication?" i'm trying to get her to focus so that she'll calm down a bit. if the nurse wasn't there, i think i would've taken carol to a corner somewhere. in the meantime, paul's seizure has tapered down, and he's started to come to. eman and i both have our hands on him...i don't know why...to soothe him maybe? but now eman is trying to get him to focus by asking him questions too. "do you know where you are? can you tell me your name? you've just had a seizure. just relax, don't try to get up. relax and try to breathe. the paramedics are on their way." paul is obviously exhausted and not quite coherent, though he appears aware of his surroundings. he starts to drift off to sleep, but eman won't let him. "paul, paul, how old are you? how are you feeling now? do you know you just had a seizure? do you know what a seizure is? have you had one before?" poor paul looks at him confused, but answers. the paramedics arrive, and the nurse leaves. carol's no longer whimpering, though i can tell she's still terrified by the tears in her eyes.
eman and i let the medics take over. eman watches them as only a fellow medical practitioner can, answering their questions and watching their monitors. i watch them with intense interest and curiosity...i've never seen medics this close up in action before. they seemed efficient and thorough, and talked medical jargon w/eman, which slightly annoyed me, coz i hadn't the slightest clue what they were discussing and found myself wishing i knew more about this stuff. i told them he had been seizing for about 2 minutes, and that was it.
at the end, paul got poked at three times with a needle for an IV line, and got taken away on a stretcher. but by then he looked totally fine. and definitely not like he wanted to go to the hospital. poor guy. he probably just wanted to go home and sleep. the security and management got eman and my digits and address [we're hoping for a free movie] and said we could go watch the later showing of Vantage Point.
so we did. with two of our small group friends who had been patiently waiting for us outside in the hallway. i think i was expecting Vantage Point to be more of a mellow thriller, but it turned out to be a dizzying, highly intense and fascinating action movie. by the time we left the theater, i was all abuzz with adrenaline.
i can't sleep now.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Made in L.A.
there's a screening of the documentary Made in L.A. tomorrow nite [Wed] at 7:30pm at Cal Tech in their Beckman Auditorium.
Here's a brief synopsis of this award-winning documentary:
"Made in L.A. follows the remarkable story of three Latina immigrants working in Los Angeles garment sweatshops as they embark on a three-year odyssey to win basic labor protections from trendy clothing retailer Forever 21. In intimate observational style, Made in L.A. reveals the impact of the struggle on each woman’s life as they are gradually transformed by the experience. Compelling, humorous, deeply human, Made in L.A. is a story about immigration, the power of unity, and the courage it takes to find your voice."
Here's a brief synopsis of this award-winning documentary:
"Made in L.A. follows the remarkable story of three Latina immigrants working in Los Angeles garment sweatshops as they embark on a three-year odyssey to win basic labor protections from trendy clothing retailer Forever 21. In intimate observational style, Made in L.A. reveals the impact of the struggle on each woman’s life as they are gradually transformed by the experience. Compelling, humorous, deeply human, Made in L.A. is a story about immigration, the power of unity, and the courage it takes to find your voice."
"i saw what i saw"
by sara groves.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSdP6PqsbJY
"your pain has changed me,
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what i am made of
your courage asks me what i'm afraid of
and what i know of love
and what i know of God."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSdP6PqsbJY
"your pain has changed me,
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what i am made of
your courage asks me what i'm afraid of
and what i know of love
and what i know of God."
Monday, February 25, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
"spend yourself"
i gave announcements at my small group tonite. "so?" you say. well, i nearly pissed in my pants and broke out in a sweat, coz i was so nervous. i guess i'm blogging about this coz i'm just so freakin' relieved. i hate public speaking. "you call that public speaking?" yes, i call that public speaking. i can't think straight when ppl are staring at me. i fumble over my words, no matter how rehearsed i am. i stutter, say "um" and "uh" repeatedly, and just generally wish i was invisible. i try to avoid any type of public speaking but i couldn't get out of this one. and trust me, i tried. so i'm glad the evening's over.
okey, on to more important stuff.
tonite's topic was justice. my friend troy led the lesson...he focused on isaiah 58 and had us write down observations and put them into four categories: actions that we thought were pleasing to God, the motivations of those actions, actions that actually do please God, and the results of those actions. basically, his point was that our praise and worship are empty if we aren't willing to serve others and do what we can to right wrongs in Jesus' name. things like social justice shouldn't be ideas that we're afraid of or dismiss as "liberal issues," but things that we should respond to. ppl being oppressed, exploited, and killed are terrible terrible things. and we should care enough to try to do something about that. we're called to care for the poor, feed the hungry. set the oppressed free. he encouraged us to "spend ourselves" on behalf of others and it was really inspiring. my friend rachel came and talked a bit about her experiences in thailand, working with orphans, displaced ppl, and sex workers. she's going back in june to spend a year working with burmese refugees and migrant workers in thailand. her experiences were also very inspiring. i hope this sets into motion our small group being more interested and active in missions and humanitarian issues. i think every believer is called to these things, whether or not they ever go abroad. i hope as the years pass, that eman and i will be able to transform this conviction into action when opportunities arise...i hope we aren't afraid to "spend ourselves."
okey, on to more important stuff.
tonite's topic was justice. my friend troy led the lesson...he focused on isaiah 58 and had us write down observations and put them into four categories: actions that we thought were pleasing to God, the motivations of those actions, actions that actually do please God, and the results of those actions. basically, his point was that our praise and worship are empty if we aren't willing to serve others and do what we can to right wrongs in Jesus' name. things like social justice shouldn't be ideas that we're afraid of or dismiss as "liberal issues," but things that we should respond to. ppl being oppressed, exploited, and killed are terrible terrible things. and we should care enough to try to do something about that. we're called to care for the poor, feed the hungry. set the oppressed free. he encouraged us to "spend ourselves" on behalf of others and it was really inspiring. my friend rachel came and talked a bit about her experiences in thailand, working with orphans, displaced ppl, and sex workers. she's going back in june to spend a year working with burmese refugees and migrant workers in thailand. her experiences were also very inspiring. i hope this sets into motion our small group being more interested and active in missions and humanitarian issues. i think every believer is called to these things, whether or not they ever go abroad. i hope as the years pass, that eman and i will be able to transform this conviction into action when opportunities arise...i hope we aren't afraid to "spend ourselves."
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
Jacob Maarse Flowers
this Valentine's Day, i wanted to keep it low-key, relaxed, and cheap. so we had a great dinner [a day early, to avoid VDay prices] at Cheesecake Factory [coz i had a gift card] and then hung out at Borders.
eman, however, was kind enuff to bring a special delivery for me...flowers. and not just any flowers...flowers from my favorite florist...Jacob Maarse! at first glance, their flowers seem pretty pricey, but i totally think they're worth it. i heard that they have their flowers flown in, and i believe it, coz i know they don't get them from the flowers' market downtown...i go downtown several times a year to make my own floral arrangements, and i don't see the types of high quality flowers that Jacob Maarse uses. and for some reason, Jacob Maarse flowers seem to last longer. and they don't skimp on their arrangements at all. their arrangements don't have too many "fillers" of greens, and they never use baby's breath. so considering the quality of flowers, the number of actual stems, and how long they last, i'd say you pretty much get what you pay for. so needless to say, i love flowers. and i ADORE Jacob Maarse flowers.
here's what my arrangement looked like...it even came wrapped in pretty red paper and printed cellophane. after a few days, i took the arrangement apart to create three mini-arrangements ["delicate," "modern," and "sophisticate"] to preserve the flowers that were starting to wilt. now there's value...one gorgeous large arrangement broken up into three mini ones...I LOVE IT!!!
eman, however, was kind enuff to bring a special delivery for me...flowers. and not just any flowers...flowers from my favorite florist...Jacob Maarse! at first glance, their flowers seem pretty pricey, but i totally think they're worth it. i heard that they have their flowers flown in, and i believe it, coz i know they don't get them from the flowers' market downtown...i go downtown several times a year to make my own floral arrangements, and i don't see the types of high quality flowers that Jacob Maarse uses. and for some reason, Jacob Maarse flowers seem to last longer. and they don't skimp on their arrangements at all. their arrangements don't have too many "fillers" of greens, and they never use baby's breath. so considering the quality of flowers, the number of actual stems, and how long they last, i'd say you pretty much get what you pay for. so needless to say, i love flowers. and i ADORE Jacob Maarse flowers.
here's what my arrangement looked like...it even came wrapped in pretty red paper and printed cellophane. after a few days, i took the arrangement apart to create three mini-arrangements ["delicate," "modern," and "sophisticate"] to preserve the flowers that were starting to wilt. now there's value...one gorgeous large arrangement broken up into three mini ones...I LOVE IT!!!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
gramma
my gramma's 92 years old. or something like that. she's way up there. she's a pretty independent, robust, lucid little lady. tells it like it is, and doesn't give a shit who's around. but she's fair. she's wise, and she doesn't give lip service. i had a hard time with her personality growing up, but we're friends now. she prays for me and eman every morning she says. she want us to live well and enjoy each season of our lives.
this afternoon i rushed her to the doctor's office. she had been sick for three weeks and wasn't strong enough to walk to the bus station to get to the doctor's office on her own. she never calls to ask for help. not coz she's proud, but coz she's independent. she's been living alone without my granpa for 20 years now. she's a tough old broad. i usually just go see her on my own without any prompting. she doesn't like to ask her grandkids to visit. but this afternoon she called both me and eman and i knew something was not good. it was in her voice. so weak. like someone else's gramma.
"i can't eat or drink. i have no strength. i can't go the doctor's. i didn't sleep last nite. do you think i need a different kind of medicine?" no gramma. you need to go to the doctors. so i picked her up and took her. turns out she was dehydrated, just as eman predicted. they hooked her up to an IV and i waited while she drifted in and out of sleep. two hours passed, and then they told me i could take her home. she walked a little straighter...said she felt a bit stronger with the IV.
i was glad to take her home. i was dreading the doctor telling me that she would have to be admitted to the hospital. even though eman works in one, i hate hospitals. i hope to never have to go to one unless i'm giving life, and even then i want to be knocked out anyway. i know i wasn't ready to send my gramma to the hospital. i silently willed her to not have to go. it worked.
she's stable enough right now, but there's no telling how she's going to feel tomorrow or the day after. being sick for 3 weeks when you're ninety-something and living alone sucks ass. having a granddaughter who feels helpless and is quietly scared that she's going to lose you sucks harder. God help me not to freak out every time gramma gets sick. and God help me to serve her well when she is.
this afternoon i rushed her to the doctor's office. she had been sick for three weeks and wasn't strong enough to walk to the bus station to get to the doctor's office on her own. she never calls to ask for help. not coz she's proud, but coz she's independent. she's been living alone without my granpa for 20 years now. she's a tough old broad. i usually just go see her on my own without any prompting. she doesn't like to ask her grandkids to visit. but this afternoon she called both me and eman and i knew something was not good. it was in her voice. so weak. like someone else's gramma.
"i can't eat or drink. i have no strength. i can't go the doctor's. i didn't sleep last nite. do you think i need a different kind of medicine?" no gramma. you need to go to the doctors. so i picked her up and took her. turns out she was dehydrated, just as eman predicted. they hooked her up to an IV and i waited while she drifted in and out of sleep. two hours passed, and then they told me i could take her home. she walked a little straighter...said she felt a bit stronger with the IV.
i was glad to take her home. i was dreading the doctor telling me that she would have to be admitted to the hospital. even though eman works in one, i hate hospitals. i hope to never have to go to one unless i'm giving life, and even then i want to be knocked out anyway. i know i wasn't ready to send my gramma to the hospital. i silently willed her to not have to go. it worked.
she's stable enough right now, but there's no telling how she's going to feel tomorrow or the day after. being sick for 3 weeks when you're ninety-something and living alone sucks ass. having a granddaughter who feels helpless and is quietly scared that she's going to lose you sucks harder. God help me not to freak out every time gramma gets sick. and God help me to serve her well when she is.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
wedding of the year [well, last year]
this past october 20th, inside the gently illuminated Church at Charlotte, with its' vaulted ceiling and majestic stained-glass window...my baby sister got married.
of course she was the most lovely bride [and she really was] and of course the wedding itself was absolutely beautiful [largely due to my sister's master planning] and of course i did not cry! =P i only choked up a little when she walked down the aisle, and that does not count as crying.
i'm really glad mike and michelle got married. they'd been together forever! and they suit each other very well...[translation: mike is a VERY patient man]. =P they have cute nicknames for each other, and they're the type of couple you can't help but want to be around...relaxed, and a lot of fun. isn't it obvious by the pictures? =)
of course she was the most lovely bride [and she really was] and of course the wedding itself was absolutely beautiful [largely due to my sister's master planning] and of course i did not cry! =P i only choked up a little when she walked down the aisle, and that does not count as crying.
i'm really glad mike and michelle got married. they'd been together forever! and they suit each other very well...[translation: mike is a VERY patient man]. =P they have cute nicknames for each other, and they're the type of couple you can't help but want to be around...relaxed, and a lot of fun. isn't it obvious by the pictures? =)
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