birthdays

for some reason i've been feeling very...um...how shall i say this...bipolar? lately. like, i'll get really angry all of a sudden at something really small...and in my mind that little small thing grows into something much bigger and i imagine the bigger thing as though it's reality even though it isn't, and then i get even angrier. that's all during the day. then at nite when i'm in bed i think about all the imagined things i got angry about and i feel really stupid and get really sad about my stupidity.

i think it has something to do with my upcoming birthday. i'm really not looking forward to it. i kinda wish i could not have one this year. i'm not sure why...it's not even a "milestone" bday, but something about turning 34 is stressing me out.

i wanna move to paris. take on a new identity. well, first i'd have to learn french. =\ but i wanna move to paris and then tour the rest of europe and take photos and make photo books and eat lots of really good food and not gain weight by walking everywhere. that's what i wanna do. and i wanna get paid for my photos, so that i'll have money to eat the really good food all over europe.

i think i feel...deficient. and not even my capblasts are helping. i hate birthdays.