cut

i got a new 'do.

yesterday i went to The Factory on colorado blvd to get a "real" haircut. i only get these like once every 3 years coz i'm lazy and cheap and usually just end up chopping off my own locks when i can't stand it anymore. but this time i actually made an appt with a professional stylist. and she was fast! it took her almost exactly 30 min to cut, layer, and blow-dry my hair straight. my new layers are much shorter than i've ever had...and because i told her i was balding, [don't ask] she gave me more layers at the top, to make my hair look fuller. so far i like it, although i don't plan on keeping it this way...too much maintenance. plus, i scared myself this morning when i woke up and went to the bathroom. i need my frizzy wavy hair back. =)

heaven must be like...

...the new 77,000 sq.ft. Whole Foods flagship store that just opened in Pasadena. yup, seventy seven thousand square feet. TWO stories. a wine and tapas bar. in-store mediterranean, asian, and italian fare, gourmet chocolate bar, gourmet coffee bar, gourmet nut bar, gourmet bakery and dessert bar, and a massage room. they even have escalators for carts...so you're on one escalator going up or down, and right next to you is another escalator taking your cart too. it's REALLY kewl. eman and i walked around the entire store, and i swear, i felt a little bit like i was at disneyland...so much to see! and look! an escalator ride for our cart! not to mention the amazing variety of all things edible and then some. i should have taken my camera with me to post pics but i didn't think of it. however, i did find a blog that has some pretty good pictures and more details...you can check it out here. and did i mention that they have practically everything? i could seriously live there. you can get your coffee and meal and a magazine and sip, eat, read on their patio and then when you're done you can go back inside to do your grocery shopping before heading home. i mean...talk about a perfect day! and because they're trying to create a place for the community, they're even going to have a singles' event on the 15th [we briefly toyed with the idea of attending but decided that would be too weird even for us]. in any event, we can't wait to go back there. and i've decided [upon some recent research into organic foods] that i will be cooking more organic from now on. not that i'm going to get all my groceries from whole foods...i mean, i'm still cheap, so i'll still be frequenting trader joes...but now that disneyland, er, i mean, whole foods has moved into my 'hood [and believe me when i say that the quality of their produce completely leaves TJs in the dust] i'll have even more options. and having options ain't such a bad thing to a newbie cooking enthusiast. =)

choice

i guess every believer needs to decide in his/her heart what he/she wants to project about christianity...being right or being forgiven?

[mis]representing

tonite at small group i had a very intense conversation with a guy who used to be a missionary but now works for the government. i guess we could be labeled the more liberal-minded of our group, and one other guy in our smaller discussion group certainly challenged our views, which led to the intense conversation. but all of the talking made me realize more and more that my actions need to speak louder than my words. i have a lot of opinions, especially in relation to this thing called "christian living" which for me is much more organic than regimented, and much more relational than hierarchal. and to that effect, i am trying desperately to figure out what i can do best to reflect God's love and his glory to people...but i have yet to determine what that looks like. in short, my life doesn't fully reflect my beliefs the way that i want it to, so a part of the rebelliousness in me is a direct result of being frustrated with myself and all of my lacking. to live what i truly believe is my ultimate goal and while it may appear that i can talk the talk, trust me when i say that i struggle with walking the walk. i guess i'm writing all this coz i'm afraid i sometimes present myself to be smarter than i really am, or more aware than i really am or even more holy than i really am, and i don't want to project that image when i know inside that i'm not.

bullshit + gossip = social withdrawal

i don't bullshit well. i can't...if i try, a giant neon sign starts flashing on my forehead "BullShitting!" well maybe not...but since my poker face has yet to be mastered, you can usually tell just by looking at me that i'm trying to BS you.

i'm surprised at how much bullshitting goes on in christian circles. it really makes me uncomfortable. i'm not good at bullshitting, but at the same time, i can usually sense when someone is bullshitting me...which makes me even MORE uncomfortable. i wonder if it's because xtians feel like they have to be nice all the time. i dunno.

gossip is starting to get to me too. certain social situations are getting harder and harder for me because of the gossiping. one person "confides" something to me about a completely different person and then tells me his/her opinions on it [negative] and says at the end that "it's just between us." meaning, "don't tell so-and-so what i've just told you, coz he/she told me to keep it confidential." but the poor he/she doesn't realize that the first he/she has broken his/her promise to keep it confidential, and in the meantime, continues to confide in the he/she who continues to "share" his/her business with others! i once even told him/her that if the other he/she hasn't shared with me, then it's probably not my business to know. he/she shrugged and said, "well, i'm sure he/she will get around to telling you anyway" and proceeded to "share" the other person's "new dilemma." i think i'm just going to have to say, "look. he/she hasn't said anything to me, and frankly, i think this stuff should be coming for from him/her, not you." i mean...it's easy for xtians to dismiss gossip as a way of communicating concern, but honestly, a lot of the time that's not what it is. a lot of the time, it's just gossip.

[ugh] i know this makes no sense. it's late and i'm sleepy and now burdened by the latest drama i've been told, not to mention the more weightier matters of life. i just want to focus on the things that really matter. i want to be surrounded by ppl i can trust and forgive and vice versa. i don't want to know about things i'm not supposed to know about. i'm not a depository for other ppl's personal news. if it's not told with a genuine concern for the well-being of someone, then don't tell me, coz i don't need to know! like mary j. blige sang, "NO MORE DRAMA!"

[sigh] i'm going to have to leave this situation entirely.

satisfaction

when i create something, i'm often in a zone...my own little world. i have to be, in order to be truly creative. when i create at my best, it is because my passion spills over.

if the act of being creative is spending your passion, satisfaction then, is passion spent.

there's nothing like that feeling of satisfaction.

p* envy

while i love the mission of my new company, and having daily devotions at work, and while my immediate teammates and i get along [so far]...one thing i'm having a real hard time with is the workload. for about two weeks now i've been logging an average of 14 hrs per day, including weekends. i officially no longer have a life. my job is in my psyche now too...as i dream about it on most nites, waking up in a panic that i missed a deadline. [i haven't yet]. i feel very out-of-control...and not in the "screw-the-world-i'm-on-the-back-of-a-motorcycle-and-could-care-less" sort of way, but in the "oh-sh*t-i-think-i-bit-off-more-than-i-can-chew" kind of way. which is why i think i had the dream that i did last nite. in my latest and perhaps most disturbing dream to date, i dreamt that i was single and still living with my parents [that's not the disturbing part]. i took a nap while they were out, and woke up feeling kind of...how shall i put it..."heavy"...down there. confused, i reached down, wondering, "did i defecate while napping?"...and to my utter shock, i realized that the heaviness was attached to me. "what is this?!" i panicked. so i took off my pants and looked down, and discovered...a penis. yup folks. i had grown a penis.

i tried to pull it off me...detach it from my otherwise still female body somehow...but of course, yanking it as hard as i could only brought excruciating pain. i was in disbelief. not to mention grossed out [sorry guys, nothing personal]. this sucker seemed here to stay. what now? do i call 911? who's going to believe this? did satan do this to me? was i used for some kind of weird, forgotten scientific experiment? i racked my brain..."there must be some way to get this thing off of me." and then i realized i had to pee. i was about to sit down, when it dawned on me that i didn't have to. so i peed standing up. and i have to admit, that was liberating. for a split second [and i mean, SPLIT second] i thought it was kewl to have a penis...you know, it's very convenient. but that moment passed quickly, and i was back in distress. i tried going back to sleep, hoping that when i woke up next, it'd be gone. but i couldn't fall asleep, and the heaviness of my lower half just made it difficult for me to relax. "how do guys walk around with this?" i thought. i started to consider the unthinkable...hacking it off with a large butcher knife. but i couldn't muster the courage to actually go through with it. finally, exhausted and out of ideas, i did what any other normal woman who woke up with a penis would do...i cried hysterically, calling for my mommie.

i think i may need therapy.

last day

today is my last day here at the u.s. center for world mission.
i am sad.

i think i'm more sad to leave the center than when i left yellowpages. when i left yellowpages, i felt like i was embarking on a whole new adventure with God. this time i'm a bit deflated...i wonder what He wants me to do at world vision...and is He sure He wants me there? who am i going to talk to about the deeper issues surrounding faith? who am i going to discuss scriptural relevancy with, without offending anybody? what other christians can i say shocking things to, without being judged? where else can i talk on and on about Jesus, without anybody wanting to roll their eyes at me in exasperation? do i have to try to be a superchristian at world vision? will they fire me once they find out i'm anything but? will they label me as a heretic once they hear my personal views on western christianity? [sigh]

oh for heaven's sake, who the hell cares. it's a job.

now what?

i told brian yesterday that i thought the thing that does the most damage to christianity is christians. it just came out. i realize that many churches would not welcome me into their church if they knew i thought this, but i really think this is true. christians have a lot of issues...i count myself as one of them...and we don't all like each other...which i think is sad. but what saddens me more is this great divide between the conservative and progressive. it seems to me that if we keep fighting w/each other, we won't be able to do much good in this world. as it stands, we're in danger of becoming completely irrelevant. and i believe with all my hear that Jesus is very relevant. it's hard for ppl, christian and non, to set their own personal agendas aside and work together, build together, serve together, love together, and not let disagreements/misunderstandings spiral into animosity. call it the human condition, call it sin, call it whatever you want. but it makes me sad.

i believe that most ppl want to be regarded as better than what they really are. and everyone wants the freedom to make mistakes yet still be embraced. it's funny how much easier it is for me to reject ppl based on my judgements of them than to accept them based on God's love for them. i'm one of those christians that's doing damage to christianity, and i doubt i'll ever get it just right.

purpose-driven life?

this past year i've been wondering what my purpose is. i mean, a year ago i quit my job for "no good reason" other wanting to get involved with the missions agency [which, i still maintain was a very good reason]. but i have to say, quitting sort of put me in a new and precarious position. i had always associated my identity with my job and workplace. and up until that point, i'd never really made a move if i couldn't see the next move ahead of it. and i really could not see the next move ahead of quitting and volunteering at the missions agency. i told myself that my committment would only be for a year but...what about after that year? what then? i had absolutely no idea! freelancing seemed to be the most optimal [and obvious] choice, so i started studiotrinity design. but still...something seemed not...completely...right. where was i going? i've asked myself that question a lot...especially the past six months. what am i doing? where am i headed? what's my next step? what am i doing here? now? why/how is any of this relevant to anything? how does this fit into the puzzle of my purpose? what is my purpose? oh God why am i here? questions i pondered over and over again. even with church and small group, those questions persisted. i guess you could say that the most prevalent sense that i've had this past year is the sense of being lost.

i still don't feel 100% that i "belong" at mosaic or at our small group. and who's to say that i'll feel like i "belong" at world vision once i start? actually, who's to say that i'll feel like i "belong" anywhere in this world? maybe that's just wishful thinking. of course this in no way means that i begrudge my life...not at all! i don't remember ever feeling so loved by God than in this past year. so in that sense i do feel that i "belong"...with God, most definitely. and with my husband, absolutely! but in the sense of work [i'm not referring to a job, but a lifetime's work fueled by passion and commitment]...in the sense of being able to name exactly what i want to pursue for the rest of my life...exactly what i want to dedicate my skills, knowledge, and experience to...well, i just don't know. sometimes i catch myself envying the artists...they know exactly what they're meant to do...they're meant to create. it's in their blood...they can't deny it...art or music is what they breathe. it's a living organism inside them and it demands to be seen, heard, read, understood. i sort of know what that feels like...it's why i write poetry. but it's not to the same degree that they feel or know. all i really know is that i need to discover and pursue God's purpose, that i need to be on His team.

old message, new meaning

yesterday at church the message was about dying to self. pastor eric [erwin's in south africa] spoke about what that phrase entails. i've heard that phrase a million times, but yesterday it sort of took on new meaning.

i already knew that dying to self means putting yourself last, but what hit me was that it's not meant for us to be passive [and secretly embittered] doormats. it's not meant in a you're-welcome-to-walk-all-over-me kind of way, but in a so-that-God-will-get-the-attention sort of way. eric said that [paraphrasing] that happens when christians don't seek an eye for an eye [revenge will be the Lord's] but rather just accept that life can be difficult and unfair and keep moving forward. and there is a difference between moving forward and moving on, apparently. moving on embraces a more flippant attitude..."screw you, i got better things to do with my time so [sarcastic] have a nice life" mentality, whereas moving forward embraces an attitude of grace and trust in the Lord..."you hurt me and that's not cool. but God is sovereign and He's working in you just like He's working in me." it's about being able to let go...of your rights to vengence and of your expectations, and about being open to however God works things out...whether it's in your favor or not. i thought that was pretty kewl.

robots in disguise...

in eager anticipation of transformers...enjoy! =D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akNJ6S2UqsE

new gig, angst & a harley

i got a new gig. i'll be working for world vision international starting on july 9th. they offered the job on wed., i accepted on thurs., nervously. all day thurs actually, i felt nervous:

can i actually DO this? i didn't lie on my resume...or in either of my interviews...so they must know that i don't know EVERYTHING about graphic design, yet they hired me anyway...how come i don't feel very confident? what if i underperform? is this a "God thing?" does He know how demanding this job will be? does He think i can do it?

on fri., i felt excited about it:

i can't believe i'm actually going to be working at world vision. i've had a secret desire to work with them for years...i never EVER thought i actually would one of these days! i love what they do, how they are able to mobilize their teams the instant a catastrophe hits somewhere and send them out to start helping the people who have been left devastated. i love how organized they seem to be, compared to other international relief agencies. i love that they're committed to showing Christ's love in practical ways. i love that they champion the causes that affect children globally. i love that they do all this because it is their passion...their heart. and now...i actually have the opportunity to work with them, learn from them. it's nothing less than God answering my prayer of long ago.

on sat., i was too busy to try to process much of anything.

today, i'm just feeling a little crazy about the job and everything else:

WHAT have i just agreed to? i don't even think i'm qualified! WHY did they hire me? i can't do this!? and didn't i want to leave the full-time corporate world? didn't i want to focus on starting my freelance biz from home? what am i doing to myself? what am i doing with my life? why can't i make a decision and just stick to it? am i wishy-washy? whatever happened to my ability to make decisions? why am i so manly? am i balding? why can't ppl in big suvs park properly? an suv is not a compact car!

ugh.

what i'd REALLY like right now is to be able to jump on a harley and drive away. i figured out my attraction to motorcyles...it symbolizes freedom for me. so that's what i'd like to do right now, more than anything else in the world...i'd like to just ride away on a harley and leave myself behind.

mentoring?

i may have unwittingly fallen into a mentoring relationship. i'm the mentor. and i'm quite perplexed about the whole thing. i like this girl a lot, and we get along, and she's fun to be around. i'm sorta in the "getting to know you & develop this new friendship phase" but more and more i get the feeling that she's looking for more of a mentor figure. i dunno what to do. i don't want to be her mentor, i just want to be her friend. but the way our conversations have been going...it's becoming more clear to me that another friend is not what she's looking for. so do i say something? what am i supposed to say? do i ignore it and just try to "steer" our relationship through the friend door and away from the mentor/mentee door? does it have to be either or? i don't wanna be viewed as a mentor. that just opens a can of worms. those kind of relationships are emotionally more taxing [i think] and i just don't want to be "looked up to" in any way. plus, there's more pressure to say the right things, react the right ways, etc. but i dunno what to do about it at this point.

freelance high and low

i'll do the "low" first: setting up a freelance biz is tough. all this prep work is kicking my ASS. i dunno how many hours of research i've already logged [and logging!] and how many sample contracts, invoices, estimates, proposals i've gone through. i'm thankful for a new friend i met through church, helen, who herself is a freelance designer setting up her own design studio. she's had some experience with business birthing [that's what i call it] so she's been very encouraging.

honestly, i dunno if i'm cut out for this gig. i not only have to be the designer, but i'm the legal dept, the marketing dept, and the accounting dept. as well. it helps that i can multi-task but sheesh!

i understand why ppl just want an 8-5 job. in a lot of ways it's SO much simpler. but i dunno if i can ever go back to that, coz despite the chaos and underlying fears, [and here's the "high"]: i really love it. i love being independent and free. i love having different types of projects to work on. i even love all the hours of research [though it gets tiring]. but most of all, i love that i can make dinner. no joke. i've come to almost cherish that time, coz i love what comes after: my husband and i get to sit down to a balanced [coz i eat veggies now!] homecooked meal and talk about our day. i'm not so rushed that i have to pick up dinner on the way home, or have him do it. and it's really really nice to be able to have him come home to "dinner's ready!"

gawed i know this makes me a friggin' tradtional sap, but i can't help it. =\ what am i turning into?

angry

yesterday was supposed to be a fun day of family togetherness. it was eman's 34th bday, and my family had a few things planned that he didn't know about. unfortunately, as we got into my parents' car for the nearly 2 hr drive to my sister's place in charlotte, my dad and i got into an argument. well, it wasn't really an argument...i wasn't arguing. my dad was yelling at me and i just sat there and let him. but inside i was boiling. i mean...i was really livid. i tried to calm myself down...i was rationalizing the whole thing to myself in my head...1) it's eman's bday, so just shut up and don't make it worse! 2) this is dumb...it's not that big a deal...just let him yell at you 3) you don't see your dad very often and he's getting old so just let him alone. and i did leave him alone...i let him yell and didn't say a single word back. and then i forced myself to sleep in the car in hopes that i'd wake up not so angry. [and so that i could legitimately ignore my dad while he drove.] but i actually woke up even angrier. though the rest of the evening went fine, i'm still mad as i type this, and it's been almost 9 hrs.

i find that much of my anger towards my parents nowadays stem from a general overwhelming bitterness against korean culture. sad, pathetic too maybe, but true. in this instance, my dad commanded me to do something i deemed unncessary and pointless, so i asked why he wanted me to do it. that was all he needed to combust. he raised his voice, yelling, "you're just supposed to do as i tell you! you're not supposed to ask why!" which, of course, if you know me at all, is all I need to combust. my mother wisely stepped in, telling me in a more reasonable tone why they thought it was important that i do this. and after that, i did it. but it's experiences like this that build upon the anger and bitterness already stored inside me. i mean, really, i'm 32, married, and most importantly, i'm allowed to have my own opinions and ask questions if there's something i don't understand. i don't freakin' need someone else's permission to ask why. what the hell is up with the "you're supposed to/not supposed to!" shit? if he didn't want me to ever ask questions or have any other perspective aside from his own, then he shouldn't have let me get an education, much less let me live on my own all these years.

and the thing that disgusted me the most, was the hypocrisy of the matter. he was asking me to do something unnecessary in regards to a couple of relatives, yet he himself despise these relatives, and have refused to be in the same room with them for the past several years. i personally don't have any kind of relationship with them at all, and up until that moment, my dad was just fine with that. all i ever hear from my dad about these relatives are how crooked they are, and how much they've lied to him and my mom...years and years of betrayals have hardened his heart against them. yet all of a sudden i'm supposed to do this completely irrelevant thing for them and i can't even ask why? on top of that, he started lecturing me about the importance of extended family relationships! i just about threw up right in the backseat. how he could sit there and lecture me in that self-righteous tone is beyond me. and then he repeated, "i'm your father, you do as i say." i can't even begin to explain the degree of anger i felt rising within me when he said that. i honestly contemplated getting out of the car [at 60 mph] and limping back. the arrogance and hypocrisy was too much. if it wasn't eman's bday, and if we weren't in a moving vehicle, i would've let my dad have it. i had plenty to say to him. but i didn't. i swallowed it, and i forced myself asleep.

it never ceases to amaze me...the narrow-mindedness. because i'm younger, and mostly, because i'm a female, i'm supposed to shup up and obey everybody. whatever opinions i have, if they differ from the masses, [and God forbid any korean ever have an opinion that different's from what all the other koreans think] i'm supposed to keep them to myself and obey the other person anyway. i never thought i'd hear my own father say it, [up til now i've only heard it from my in-laws, and that's another story] but the last thing he yelled to me was, "you have to learn about korean culture! in korean culture, if your father tells you to do something, you don't ask why! you just do it!" now i ask you, does that sound like a culture you want to learn more about? not to me! if anything, it turns me away even more. and the other thing is, if you hold your culture in such high regard, then why not just stay in your country? why the hell immigrate to another? why raise your kids in a different land with a different culture? you can't expect your kids to inherently understand the subtleties of the parent culture if they weren't raised in it and have been living on their own away from that culture for over a decade! it doesn't make any sense!!! i mean, shit!!! is it any wonder why so many women of my generation have such a hard time with traditional parents/inlaws?!? we're not supposed to have a voice, much less a freakin' opinion!

i don't want to align myself with a culture that says i have to shut up and obey just because. just because what? i don't want to align myself with a culture that is built on a sexist heirarchy, to the point where women are discouraged from becoming individuals and where independent-minded women are viewed as "troublemakers" instead of active and viable contributors to society and culture at large. it's an insulting, narrow, and skewed way of judging us and i'm pissed that my own father [who would often laud the importance of education and independence] in his old age is ascribing to it once more.

susan

susan's mom is suffering from liver failure. she found out this past friday. the doctors have pretty much said it's just a matter of time. susan flew out last nite to go home. sunhee, betty and i had dinner with her and took her to the airport. it was odd hugging her goodbye at lax...i'm not sure how long it will be before i see her again since she plans to stay out there until her mom passes. there's a lot i wanted to convey to her in that brief hug.

please pray for susan and her family...for peace as they spend valuable time together, for bright, happy moments that will long be remembered, for strength and encouragement of heart, and for the doctors to give her mom the best care possible. [of course, a miracle wouldn't hurt either.]

if you'd like to be updated on her mom and how her family is doing, you can go to their blog.

wkend in Avila

last wkend eman and i joined my aunt in avila beach for a relaxing getaway. avila beach is a tiny coastal town up north of los angeles...very close to pismo and san luis obispo [isn't that where the story of anne of green gables takes place? doesn't she move there after she marries her childhood sweetheart gilbert?] anyway...my aunt has a timeshare there and graciously extended an invitation to us. who could refuse? all we had to pay for was gas! but while we were there my aunt made me exercise. =( wasn't too happy about that...especially considering that it was supposed to be a relaxing wkend away, but i shouldn't have inwardly griped about it, coz the view from the hiking trail was well worth the physical effort! [okey...there wasn't too much physical effort involved...the hike turned out to be relatively easy]. it was a trail up on a bluff that rose high above the ocean, called montana de oro. despite overcast skies, i couldn't help taking pictures...it was so breathtaking. apparently, over the years the ocean waves and changing temperatures carved tilted sedimentary layers of rock...really spectacular to behold. these picts don't do it justice. what was supposed to be a short, 30-min hike turned into a long 2-hr one. and i wasn't complaining!

the next day we went down to the pier and were delighted to find a group of sea lions resting on the platform beneath the pier. i always thought sea lions were cute, but this bunch was sorta moody. and they were HUGE! every time someone started to climb down the steps to get a better shot, they'd start "growling." =\ we eventually got bored watching them scratch themselves and sleep, so we headed back to the resort. but on the way we stopped at a little food shack and treated ourselves to the friggin' best seared tuna tataki ever!

such a great wkend... =)

south beach, take 2

today i munched on lettuce leaves.

yup.

lettuce leaves.

INFJ

my personality has changed. seriously. for the longest time i was an ISFJ [borderline E/I]. but i redid the keirsey temperatment/personality test, and now i come to find that i am an INFJ. my "new" personality is one of the rarer types, and it's kinda wierd. i'm not too happy about that, coz i didn't think i could get any wierder.

napa

our girls getaway last wkend started with a drive up to san jose on fri. we were lucky to be able to save on hotel costs by staying at susan's cousin bo's house in san jose [and oh what a house it was!] on sat, we got up early and headed over to napa valley. we spent ALL day there...from about 10:15am to 6:00pm. that's a lot of wine, folks. about halfway through the afternoon, i noticed that all the wines were tasting the same to me. so much for my sophisticated taste buds. the grandest tasting was in the morning, at Domaine Carneros [or, as mary put it, the "faux chateau"]. it was their Gate pinot noir, and ohmygawed it was absolutely divine! nothing we tried after even came close to its' flavor and texture. the most interesting tasting was experienced at the Del Dotto cave [created generations ago by the railroad builders who literally picked their way to create the cave - no dynamite used!] unbelievable, huh? but for the most part, the wineries we visited were all different...meaning, they each had their own "theme"...one was very french countryside [Domaine Carneros], another was ubermodern [the tasting room was built into the hillside], another was started by an 80's infomercial king in a cave [Del Dotto], yet another had a swanky "lawrence of arabia" exotic dessert vibe [sunhee called it "vegas"] and still others were more "rustic" in feel [one even reminded me of a little farm]. who knew we would find such an eclectic mix in wine country?

alcatraz

since we didn't have much time to spend in s.f., we decided to maximize our time and go somewhere few of us have been: alcatraz. i'm not one for audio tours, but i must say, it was by far the BEST audio tour i've ever experienced. i understand why it's award-winning...it's rich and detailed, and combined with your actual presence inside the Rock, the overall effect is moving. i looked inside the cells [some of them with actual artifacts of the prisoners] and couldn't help but feel bad for the inmates there. but then mary gave me a dose of realism by stating, "they were criminals hannah...they did really bad things." still, i couldn't help but feel a little sad when the narrator said that the day the inmates looked forward to the most was new year's eve...not coz of anything special going inside alcatraz, but because the inmates could hear peoples' laughter on passing yacht parties from the Rock's windows...and they suddenly didn't feel so alone. by the time the tour ended, my feet had callouses all over them [note: if you're going to visit, wear comfortable shoes!] and the rainbow that had greeted our arrival had disappeared. it may have been the touristy thing to do, but seriously folks, it's worth a visit!

laguna beach picts

our day in laguna last week couldn't have been more picturesque. joo, nick and i couldn't help but marvel at how perfect the weather was, and since it was a week day, it wasn't too crowded. we began with a leisurely lunch at Las Brisas [my fav restaurant there] and then continued our afternoon strolling through along the walkways to the "downtown" area and finally, to the beach itself. though the drive back up from laguna to newport was pretty, i think we were all a bit sad to leave that little piece of paradise.