purpose-driven life?

this past year i've been wondering what my purpose is. i mean, a year ago i quit my job for "no good reason" other wanting to get involved with the missions agency [which, i still maintain was a very good reason]. but i have to say, quitting sort of put me in a new and precarious position. i had always associated my identity with my job and workplace. and up until that point, i'd never really made a move if i couldn't see the next move ahead of it. and i really could not see the next move ahead of quitting and volunteering at the missions agency. i told myself that my committment would only be for a year but...what about after that year? what then? i had absolutely no idea! freelancing seemed to be the most optimal [and obvious] choice, so i started studiotrinity design. but still...something seemed not...completely...right. where was i going? i've asked myself that question a lot...especially the past six months. what am i doing? where am i headed? what's my next step? what am i doing here? now? why/how is any of this relevant to anything? how does this fit into the puzzle of my purpose? what is my purpose? oh God why am i here? questions i pondered over and over again. even with church and small group, those questions persisted. i guess you could say that the most prevalent sense that i've had this past year is the sense of being lost.

i still don't feel 100% that i "belong" at mosaic or at our small group. and who's to say that i'll feel like i "belong" at world vision once i start? actually, who's to say that i'll feel like i "belong" anywhere in this world? maybe that's just wishful thinking. of course this in no way means that i begrudge my life...not at all! i don't remember ever feeling so loved by God than in this past year. so in that sense i do feel that i "belong"...with God, most definitely. and with my husband, absolutely! but in the sense of work [i'm not referring to a job, but a lifetime's work fueled by passion and commitment]...in the sense of being able to name exactly what i want to pursue for the rest of my life...exactly what i want to dedicate my skills, knowledge, and experience to...well, i just don't know. sometimes i catch myself envying the artists...they know exactly what they're meant to do...they're meant to create. it's in their blood...they can't deny it...art or music is what they breathe. it's a living organism inside them and it demands to be seen, heard, read, understood. i sort of know what that feels like...it's why i write poetry. but it's not to the same degree that they feel or know. all i really know is that i need to discover and pursue God's purpose, that i need to be on His team.