new gig, angst & a harley

i got a new gig. i'll be working for world vision international starting on july 9th. they offered the job on wed., i accepted on thurs., nervously. all day thurs actually, i felt nervous:

can i actually DO this? i didn't lie on my resume...or in either of my interviews...so they must know that i don't know EVERYTHING about graphic design, yet they hired me anyway...how come i don't feel very confident? what if i underperform? is this a "God thing?" does He know how demanding this job will be? does He think i can do it?

on fri., i felt excited about it:

i can't believe i'm actually going to be working at world vision. i've had a secret desire to work with them for years...i never EVER thought i actually would one of these days! i love what they do, how they are able to mobilize their teams the instant a catastrophe hits somewhere and send them out to start helping the people who have been left devastated. i love how organized they seem to be, compared to other international relief agencies. i love that they're committed to showing Christ's love in practical ways. i love that they champion the causes that affect children globally. i love that they do all this because it is their passion...their heart. and now...i actually have the opportunity to work with them, learn from them. it's nothing less than God answering my prayer of long ago.

on sat., i was too busy to try to process much of anything.

today, i'm just feeling a little crazy about the job and everything else:

WHAT have i just agreed to? i don't even think i'm qualified! WHY did they hire me? i can't do this!? and didn't i want to leave the full-time corporate world? didn't i want to focus on starting my freelance biz from home? what am i doing to myself? what am i doing with my life? why can't i make a decision and just stick to it? am i wishy-washy? whatever happened to my ability to make decisions? why am i so manly? am i balding? why can't ppl in big suvs park properly? an suv is not a compact car!

ugh.

what i'd REALLY like right now is to be able to jump on a harley and drive away. i figured out my attraction to motorcyles...it symbolizes freedom for me. so that's what i'd like to do right now, more than anything else in the world...i'd like to just ride away on a harley and leave myself behind.