becoming anti?

i think i'm becoming anti-megachurch. it's strange coz my best memories and longest period of growth was in a megachurch. and i was raised in a megachurch. and the church we attend now is a megachurch. so why am i anti-megachurch? what's my problem?

i think i just don't believe in it. i mean, i don't discount their reach or influence...not at all. but it seems to me that megachurches make it very easy to attend church and get a spiritual high and feel really good about ourselves but not be involved with what God's doing in the world. it's easy for ppl to hide and get lost in megachurches. i would know. and it's easy to be inspired but not step up. again, i would know. it's easy to think that the church exists for us, instead of us, the body of Christ, existing for them or "the other."

but i think...i don't want to live that way. i think...i want to live fully involved. i think...i want to be a part of what God's doing in the world and be with ppl who want the same. i think...i want to really show Jesus to ppl. i think...it might be more effective to do that in smaller, tighter, more committed groups. i think...it's not enough for me to learn about extreme poverty, the AIDS crisis, human trafficking, and oppressive military regimes, etc. i think...i have to put what i know to use somehow. i think...i want to show that God is not distant and he is not callous and he is not ignorant. i think...i want to show that God cares very very deeply. i think...in order to do that, i have to get off my entitled ass.

but i think i don't know where to start.

guns and cable

we ordered cable for the first time. neither eman or i grew up with cable, so this'll be the first time we have it at home. i hope i don't become a tv junkie. =\ anyway...the cable guy came over and he was looking for the cable hookup inside our apt. he said it's usually located inside closets in older apts [closets? for real?] so i took him to our hallway closet and proceeded to pull everything out so that he could go in to locate the hookup thingy. well i pulled out a large basket filled with miscellaneous things, and right on top was my lara croft gun. now, trust me when i say that the gun looks real. and since i had forgotten where i placed it, i happily exclaimed, "oh, i've been looking for that!" and glanced up with a smile at the cable guy. i was confused to see the strange look on his face...eyes open wide and mouth slightly agape. he was staring at the gun. it took me a second, but i realized he was probably startled and maybe even creeped out. i swallowed a chuckle and immediately tried to reassure him, "oh no...don't worry...that's not a real gun. it doesn't take real bullets" and smiled at him. he sorta looked at me with that weird, scared expression and nervously muttered, "uh-huh."

i know this is messed up, but i like scaring people sometimes. it's fun. =)

nuthin' better

about a month ago a new friend of ours in our small group accepted Christ. now i'm no softie, but i cried when he told us. and now, just about an hour ago, another new friend in our small group called to tell me she accepted Christ as well. i feel like i'm going to burst. =) is there anything better? =)