bullshit + gossip = social withdrawal

i don't bullshit well. i can't...if i try, a giant neon sign starts flashing on my forehead "BullShitting!" well maybe not...but since my poker face has yet to be mastered, you can usually tell just by looking at me that i'm trying to BS you.

i'm surprised at how much bullshitting goes on in christian circles. it really makes me uncomfortable. i'm not good at bullshitting, but at the same time, i can usually sense when someone is bullshitting me...which makes me even MORE uncomfortable. i wonder if it's because xtians feel like they have to be nice all the time. i dunno.

gossip is starting to get to me too. certain social situations are getting harder and harder for me because of the gossiping. one person "confides" something to me about a completely different person and then tells me his/her opinions on it [negative] and says at the end that "it's just between us." meaning, "don't tell so-and-so what i've just told you, coz he/she told me to keep it confidential." but the poor he/she doesn't realize that the first he/she has broken his/her promise to keep it confidential, and in the meantime, continues to confide in the he/she who continues to "share" his/her business with others! i once even told him/her that if the other he/she hasn't shared with me, then it's probably not my business to know. he/she shrugged and said, "well, i'm sure he/she will get around to telling you anyway" and proceeded to "share" the other person's "new dilemma." i think i'm just going to have to say, "look. he/she hasn't said anything to me, and frankly, i think this stuff should be coming for from him/her, not you." i mean...it's easy for xtians to dismiss gossip as a way of communicating concern, but honestly, a lot of the time that's not what it is. a lot of the time, it's just gossip.

[ugh] i know this makes no sense. it's late and i'm sleepy and now burdened by the latest drama i've been told, not to mention the more weightier matters of life. i just want to focus on the things that really matter. i want to be surrounded by ppl i can trust and forgive and vice versa. i don't want to know about things i'm not supposed to know about. i'm not a depository for other ppl's personal news. if it's not told with a genuine concern for the well-being of someone, then don't tell me, coz i don't need to know! like mary j. blige sang, "NO MORE DRAMA!"

[sigh] i'm going to have to leave this situation entirely.