allow me to rewind a bit...i turned 30 a couple of weeks ago...more than a landmark or benchmark for me...it's the prize at the end of what seems like a very long journey. i had some friends join me for the weekend in la jolla...a perfect way to start off my thirties. it's the most extravagant thing i've ever done for a birthday of mine, and i relished every second. my last entry was a poem i had written a few months ago. it's what i feel about turning 30, being 30, living out my thirties. the main thing i feel i've learned and will discover even more of, is freedom. not the rebellious, immature, shaking-my-fist-at-God kind [been there, done that!] but the kind that comes from being honest with myself, and allowing God to love me fully, faults and all.
this is the first time in my life where i feel like i can accept myself because God accepts me. this is the first time in my life where i know both in my heart and my head that God is slowly working in me, the first time in my life where i don't feel that He's distant and weary of me, but rather, happy that i just want to be near Him. it's a trippy, heady sensation. i've never done drugs, but i imagine it's something like this. what a phenomenon. i've learned many lessons from my twenties, and someday i will write all of them down and read them over in my old age, chuckling to myself at my foolishness, wondering why i was such a stubborn ass.
then again, i might just die as stubborn an ass as i am now.
yah. that seems more realistic.
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