Last weekend Eman and I enjoyed an extended personal retreat together…we both took Fri and Mon off to just hang out alone. It was partly coz we hardly ever have alone time, and partly to celebrate Valentine’s Day. The retreat was well-deserved and restful and altogether too short. We went to the Long Beach Aquarium, hung out in downtown Long Beach, tried out a new restaurant in our neighborhood, visited the Ronald Reagan Library, stopped by Camarillo [it was packed, so we just went into one store and then left!], ran some errands, watched a Korean romantic comedy “My Sassy Girl” [on loan from Nick who has been very patient with us, considering he lent it to us last year!], and spent one whole day in Laguna and Newport Beach. That was our favorite day actually. We both love the ocean, and Laguna has long been a favorite of mine since my days at UCI, so it was wonderful to go back there. I remember my old college roommates and I would go there every so often, when our coursework load and boy dramas would become overwhelming for us, and just spend an afternoon together looking out across the deep blue and strangely and quietly be comforted as we walked along the paved pathway and boardwalk. I miss those days. It doesn’t seem possible that college is a whole decade behind me now. ANYWAY...
While in Laguna, I realized certain things. Or, maybe not so much realized, but certain things hit home. For one, I desperately NEED time away on a regular basis. Preferably at a beach. Coz as much as I try, I'm just not an extrovert. I need to be alone in order to refuel. And second, I realize just how important private time is in marriage. I know I know…”DUH HANNAH!” but honestly…maybe I’m too used to doing things on my own or something…but I’m realizing just how imperative it is for Eman and I to spend time with one another, just the two of us. It’s hard becoz of all the demands on our time, what with work and everything, but still…those things shouldn’t prevent us from spending more time together. I guess we just take for granted that the other person will always be there and we think, “well, we can always do that later or next time,” but the truth is, the time is now. And that can be applied to a lot of other areas of life too. Since we both tend to be workaholics, we have to be careful not to let our work and other obligations distract us from our primary goal…to have a healthy marriage. I realize also that I’m very much accustomed to doing whatever I want, with whomever I want, whenever I want. To a certain extent, that kind of freedom is essential to one’s well-being, but I can carry it too far. I need to purposefully involve my husband more in my life…not only in my comings and goings, but also in my interests, both old and new, and ideas, both good and bad. I remember one thing that my mother was worried about when I got engaged was that I’d have a hard time being someone’s wife becoz I was so stubborn [among other things!] and had such little experience being interdependent. She said I valued self-reliance too much, and that it would probably cause some friction in my marriage. Of course, being the know-it-all daughter that I was/am, I brushed it off. But now, two years later, I’m finally getting it. I can’t be the lone Lara Croft of my imagination. I gotta give a little. I gotta give a lot. And although I’m fortunate to be married to a man who appreciates that independent side of me, I need to learn to share more…so that what is built is the outcome of a joint effort, not my singular effort.
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