this past weekend was good yet draining. i stamped for four hours on sat and made three cards, which i was pleased with. then i worked on a flyer for the children's ministry of my church, which seemed to take forever. [it's always hard to come up with an idea, but once you decide on a design and can start the process, things are much smoother.] i stayed up til the wee hours sat nite/sun morning, so i was exhausted all day sunday. but i was able to check out mosaic church w/eman and derrick [our small group facilitator] and that was pretty good, even though i was dozing off during the service. we went to curry house afterwards for dinner, and i dunno if it was the food there or what but i had MAJOR runs all evening. so in addition to being physically tired from lack of sleep, i was also physically tired from going to the bathroom every half hour. and then i hear that my uncle had a heart attack. he's alright...they're keeping him in the hospital for observation. his son is studying to become a surgeon, so i know he'll be well taken care of when he comes home from the hospital. i'm not particularly close to this uncle, but i know him to be a well-respected, generous man. i couldn't help but think about his family...my aunt and my cousins...and how something like this must affect them. theirs hasn't been an easy road. the daughter of the family, my cousin khrystyne, is living in korea. she's been there for several years now and is a very successful businesswoman. but i know, that her heart aches to be with her family. she's so much farther away from her parents than i am from mine. i would be scared shitless to learn that my father had a heart attack...scared and helpless. i can't imagine how much those feelings must be magnified for her.
the news of my uncle's heart attack came as a complete surprise. my parents never said anything to me about his health, so i assumed he was just fine. he never looked weak or tired to me. for some reason though, when i got the news, even though i knew it wasn't fatal...that he was going to be okey...i just stopped. all of a sudden, i felt like i was standing still while everything else was going at full speed around me. and a million things ran through my head all at once...his family, our extended family, my grandmother [who's almost 90 and lives alone], my own parents' health issues, my sister [who's coming to grips with a very difficult decision], my cousin luke who's in the air force and is thankfully being stationed in sacramento, my cousin lisa and her husband troy who are living away from all their family and friends in las vegas, my future parents-in-law who are at a conference in korea [and who we have yet to hear from], my future brother and sister-in-law and their own personal struggle, some of my friends who are dealing with difficult issues, people in my small group, people who i haven't seen lately and miss terribly, and lastly...work and wedding. i was disgusted that those last two things even entered my thoughts. my mind has been so consumed with work drama [thank you to those who let me vent!] and wedding planning [thank you to those who let me go on and on!] and today, i...just...wanted...to...STOP. so i emailed in sick. i really just wanted to be alone. unfortunately tomorrow morning i'll have to get up extra early to try to make up for today. but that's okey. work is work. it'll get done whether it's me doing the work or someone else. my presence there doesn't add anything to the company. it is not who i am, and it is not what God made me for. and the wedding will get planned. i don't need to dwell on all the things i haven't done yet. i just need to tackle one thing at a time.
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