crazy

i woke up sad today. there are a couple of ppl who are hurting right now, and i feel helpless as i listen to their pain. there's also some personal drama going on, and i feel helpless in that too. i'm a very emotional person, as anyone can attest, and although at times that can be a good thing, when i get sad or am hurt or angry, it can be very difficult to think rationally.

maybe because of all that i had been thinking about last nite, and all that's been on the news lately, i had another crazy dream. crazy...sad...with a lot of gray. i dreamt that every single person in the u.s. were given the opportunity to partake in a covert operation to north korea...with the mission of smuggling out as many villagers as possible. a large number of us accepted the mission and we went, dressed in grey rags, to the outskirts of pyongyang. in the dream, the second our feet touched north korean soil, the colors of the world shrank back and disappeared, leaving only colorless grey. it was surreal. it seemed as though i was the only one who noticed it though, because when i tried to call attention to it, the captain of our team looked at me as though i were crazy. "this is north korea" he firmly stated. "there has never been color here."

we stepped out of our boats and dispersed, each team splitting into smaller cells of 3 or 4. i dunno how we all knew where to go, but we did, and eventually my teammates and i fell upon a tiny rural village of makeshift homes. it was very dark, but no one was sleeping. everyone was inside their homes, preparing for the next day's work. we quietly snuck into each "house," whispering urgently for the inhabitants to quietly put on a coat and shoes and follow us into the brush...to safety, to freedom, but mostly, to food...it was plain to see that they were all starving. slowly but surely, they did as we asked, and from my captain's perspective, he could see literally hundreds of ppl , cold, malnourished, scared...stepping out into the clear to get onto the literal fleet of tiny boats that would take them away from the country in which they were raised.

i remember feeling mixed emotions in the dream as i helped individuals into our boat...happy that they were finally able to escape the ruthless rule of a crazed lunatic, yet incredibly sad for them too. i knew leaving their country was not easy, and under normal circumstances they would opt not to leave. i knew also that once they arrived in the various "host" countries...the u.s., south korea, and australia [i dunno how australia got in my dream]...that they'd have the worst kind of culture shock...they'd come face to face with the fact that their president...their beloved leader...had lied to them...that there was a wealth of food available. but the hardest part, would come later...when they would have to choose forgiveness...choose to relinquish the bitterness ingrained in them...in order to be healed.