back to reality?

so a few things have happened since last i blogged: i almost had a nervous breakdown from the politics & turmoil of wedding planning, i got hitched, and i went to hawaii w/my new [egads!] husband. and now we're back and it's CHRISTMAS!!! YAY!!! =D

lessons learned:
* if you wanna spend a lot of time with visiting friends and family, have a destination wedding. this whole thing of getting married and then going off on the honeymoon only affords you a couple of hours [if that] to spend with the people you've been missing.
* as much as possible, only invite those you really want to be there...those who have at some point or another, touched your heart. if the families demand you invite people you don't even know, tell them there's a gift minimum they have to meet.
* HAVE ALCOHOL AT THE RECEPTION. our catering coordinator mercifully filled our glasses with champagne [no one knew it wasn't cider] and it was an absolute godsend. if there's no way you can pull something like that off, go get drunk afterwards.
* hide tissues down the front of your dress. i know it sounds crass, but you need something other than your hand and your new spouse's hand to wipe away all the snot that accumulates from crying when saying your vows. =)
* if going horseback riding on your honeymoon, save it for the LAST day. think about it.

it doesn't seem like i was ever in hawaii. actually, the whole thing...the ceremony, reception, honeymoon...is all a blur. i'm just SO glad the planning part is all over. a part of me just wants to get back to living my life, but recently, there's developed another part of me that is questioning the kind of life i'd be going back to, and the kind of life i want or am called to. maybe it's because my 5 year anniversary at smartpages is coming up soon...maybe it's because i recently turned 30...still maybe it's because i just got married...but whatever the reason[s], i am feeling naseausly unsettled. something's not...right. i mean, everything's good, don't get me wrong, but something is waiting for me...it's so hard to explain. i feel like i must move towards it. but to move towards it means i have to first let go of certain established things in my life. and the strange thing is, i feel like some of those established things are already letting go of me. ugh. i wish i could articulate this. i had been feeling this way for a few months now, but have been waiting to see if it would dissipate. it has not. instead, the intensity of it has grown. it's unchartered territory for me. i have an idea, a vision in a sense, of where this first step may eventually lead, and it's nowhere comfortable. but even still, i'm drawn to it more and more...it's a step that'll change the course of the rest of my life, i'm sure. but is it just my imagination? i'm prone to over-dramatizing my thoughts. more importantly, is it something that God wants me to do? i'll have to lean on my faith more than ever. it's exciting and paralyzing at the same time. but then again...i've been standing still so long...is this step the remedy to my spiritual atrophy?