motives

is it easy for you to discern your true motives? i think a lot of times i'm in denial about how selfish i truly am. but still there are times when i wish i could jump on a plane and fly across the world to intervene in some way...any way...before injustice claims yet another victim. yet, i often ask myself, "do i want to help because i need to feel needed? or worse, because i need to feel like i'm a good person?" it's hard to tell at times. i can be the biggest wuss, crying over an infomercial about forced teenage prostitution, or displaced refugees and their children, or tortured survivors moving swiftly from one hiding place to another so as not to get caught, and then look up websites and read read read about the plights of many, and research volunteer opportunities or short-term trips...and then i stop myself, because the reality is i don't have experience moving about outside my own comfortable little world...don't have experience with traveling to other countries...don't have experience in trying to adapt to new cultures...don't have experience in any of that at all. so what am i doing, daydreaming about flying to and fro with supplies and encouragement? what am i doing, when i have debts to pay and now a husband to care for? what am i doing, when i know full well that it takes a strong heart and stronger faith to do what others do? and then of course, the final question, being WHY do i even want to do it? and if it turns out that the answer to that question is legitimate, HOW am i going to do it? i can dream up ideas all i want, i still have to be realistic. and my reality tells me that i don't have enuff of what it takes...that i'm too accustomed to having plenty and having it easy. that i haven't suffered enuff to be able to reach out. so then what? i don't want to live in a comfortable shell all my life. i don't want my life to consist solely of work, family, and church activities. not that there's anything wrong with that of course...but i also want to be involved in things that get my blood pumping. and herein lies the dilemma...are my motives stemming from true compassion or from my own self-serving needs?